Arceus the Critic
by Matthais Unidostres
Summary: Straight from the mind of Imperator Justinian, comes Arceus the Critic. After Mew destroys the Hall of Origin, Arceus takes up reviewing Fanfiction in his own professional style.
1. Children of Creation

**Important Notice:** This story was originally created by Imperator Justinian. This is his series. However, he allowed me to take ownership of it and continue it for him.

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_"Would you mind continuing Arceus the Critic for me if it is not to much trouble? The software that downloads stories no longer works for me and I'm afraid I will only be able to cooperate with other authors for so long."_

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Please check out Imperator Justinian's work.

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**Arceus the Critic by Imperator Justinian**

**Episode One**

**Children of Creation by FuneralBell**

Greetings, I am Arceus, creator and steward of the Pokémon World. In light of recent catastrophes... I mean events, that have taken place in the Hall of Origin (primarily Mew engaging in another sugar fueled rampage) I decided to do something in my spare time to try to relax. And after recommendation from a few other Legendries, I have decided to critique stories. So, I feel it fitting that for the beginning of my career as a critic, I should start with a story about beginnings. So I will be reviewing Children of Creation, by FuneralBell.

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_The three eggs rested on the glassy transparent tiles of the Hall of Origin, underneath rested heaps of rubble and volcanic ash constructing the world's rugged structure – he realized the world was lacking, he knew there could be so much more to 'Earth,' so many aspects to be filled. It was a lonesome world in the abyssal of blackness that surrounded the alpha in the first few days of his birth: his gleaming red eyes would search about, quavering legs trying to maintain his diminutive newborn stature, lost in such a world never knowing whether he would ever reach a destination—if there was one—frustratingly unaware if he was even scuttling left or right, or even running in circles. When he began to shape the world—after learning slowly and gradually how to harness his powers during growth—he created a platform above the lava of the new world: the Hall of Origin. The lava was created to shape the ground; the cooling lava would form tall structured depths towers: the mountains. The stretching horizon obscured in a bulky sheet of gray smog, no 'light' emanating the 'coldness' of the world._

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A bit of a slow beginning, but I am interested.

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_The Original One set the three plates aside—the stone plate, the earth plate, and the fire plate—in a far corner away from the eggs. Despite no particular attraction set in the Hall, Arceus hoped the infants, if hatched while his presence was absent, would not destroy the elemental plates. The alpha jumped over the blackened mountains, once he reached the peak he planted his golden hooves on the thick rocky mass, a large square lining engraved in the stone, out of reach from the lava steadily overflowing the mountain again. Craning his neck, readying a ball of concentrated white energy a few centimeters away from his face, he snapped back his focal direction, the beam blasting into the crooked square embedded on the earth._

_Out of curiosity he blasted a new hole into the mountain, his hooves running a single streak that would conflict with the lava. The mounds of rubble from the violent aftershock of his attack were brushed aside gingerly, he spread his front legs apart so that the golden hooves would equally touch the two pits. To control the new element introduced the wheel around his body glowed faintly, creating a newer plate to add with the rest: each plate a containment, an easier access if needed, to his powers. A clear liquid substance filled the pits, the carvings that ran in a streak allowed the substance to flow, and around the rim of the square pit formed a bushy green foliage. He silently stared as the smaller pit cascaded into the lava, he watched intently as the 'water' steadily began to evaporate from the heat, the lava hissing from the substance._

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So I just blast a hole in the middle of a mountain and hope for the best?

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_Splash plate._

_Meadow Plate._

_Arceus' eyes narrowed, searching for the possibility of the lava being neutralized, reasoning that every single element needed to be canceled one way or another. The still water reflected his strong stature, his brightly noticeable red irises…_

_The Original Being shifted his weight from one hoof to the other, calculating a solution to manipulate water enough to withstand the lava, but his powers were drained simultaneously forming new plates and new and necessary features for the world. Sparing one last glance at the foliage covered with several droplets of water, Arceus departed from the location to the Hall. The eggs were unmoving—how long has it been since he created the eggs?—slightly dispirited, Arceus curled around the three lightly colored blue eggs, his eyelids growing heavy gazing at the perfectly smooth egg shells._

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This is getting more interesting, but one of the problems I find here is that I have the power to create everything, yet I don't even know what I am creating until I create it. Anyways, for I while I just continue to create the world, and the elemental plates. Then I return to the Hall of Origin to rest (I have the power to do such and yet I need to sleep?), and upon waking I see that the eggs are about to hatch. But why even create eggs? Why not just create the Creation Trio like I did the world?

This just doesn't make any sense! I ought to give Keldeo and Kuyrem more credit for enduring this type of madness on a weekly basis. And here I thought that nothing could compare in insanity of my everyday life of having to keep the Legendries in order, but having to endure this mental suicide is almost as bad.

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_The white alpha stretched his body; just as he was prepared to descend he could hear a faint cracking noise. Arceus raced over to the eggs, fixated on the cracked shell on the far left._

_The small creature barely able to stand on its four legs cried softly, its blue body colored in brighter blue stripes, a winged-like structure near its tail, its head decorated with gray protruding crest, three pointed gray spines on its neck, the chest plate bright and glimmering – half of its body was covered with a new structure never seen before. Arceus called it 'metal'—it was such a prominent feature that might bring much use for all he knew, so he planned to create a plate and possibly extract a small piece of metal and see if its shape was flexible—he quietly stared into the newborn's red irises. The infant, Dialga as Arceus named the stumbling newborn, nibbled on the steel ridges on its legs._

_Within a few moments of the birth of a new being, its sobs turned into experimental growls, these endearing sounds had an alarming impact on Arceus' world. It was manipulating…'time.' Forward, back, distorting at whim…_

_Arceus shook his head when the newborn almost opened its mouth again, his silent scolding had the blue creature's mouth close shut. Time, minutes, seconds – Dialga's ability helped Arceus distinguish such a possibility. The roar sent the pair forward—which he reminded Dialga he should no longer disturb the flow of time—enough to witness the middle egg shaking._

_Unlike the first newborn hatched from its egg, the newer being was armored completely by the same material as Dialga; the only discoloration from its purple lined armor was the grayish colored underarms and waist. Its back decorated with metallic like-wings, two arms and two legs unlike the Original Being's and Dialga's all fours, and unlike its sibling it did not cry, rather it stared at the alpha with its own set of red irises. Just like Dialga it did not take long for the new being to unleash its power, its arm slashing in what seem like nothing before jumping in a overlooked vortex. Arceus panicked, Dialga was just giggling childishly, his eyes searching for the disappearing infant._

_Then Arceus felt a weight drop on his back._

_Palkia, as Arceus named the newborn, ripped a hole next to it with its claws, graciously falling on the alpha's back from a newer vortex. Palkia ripped through 'space,' it was determined the spatial creature could manipulate space by slashing through the air. Both children bared a striking similarity, but he was not going to create a plate before the last egg hatched in order to successfully have all their powers shared in a plate. For his child of creation, Arceus was pondering whether he should create a special item to individually enhance their skills._

_…When they grow older and less destructive._

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That was funny, I bit of humor here and there can't hurt, can it?

_(Arceus then turned from the screen and looked around at the smoldering ruins, taking in the damage to his home. He then shuddered at the sight and turned back to the screen.)_

On second thought, I take that back.

(_Arceus then looked down in shame and muttered something barely intelligible.)_

Last time I leave Mew unattended in the kitchen again.

(_Arceus then snapped his head back up, and turned his attention towards the screen again.)_

Anyways after Palkia and Dialga hatch, my attention turns towards Giratina's egg.

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_Palkia crawled on Arceus' mane, its sharps claws accidentally leaving scratch marks deep within the pink skin underneath the white coat, but he tolerated the pain for his children's amusement. Resting on the platform tiles, Arceus dangled one hoof above Dialga, the blue creature pleasingly trying to clamp the golden pointed hoof with its front legs. While Palkia was pleasingly crawling over the golden wheel around Arceus' abdomen, the Original Being allowed Dialga to nibble on its hoof while he stared off into the distance where the third egg lied._

_It was unmoving. It showed no signs of hatching._

_Arceus was tempted to disturb time to see when the third egg will hatch, but he shook his head indignantly. He decided to wait, adamantly against cheating the birth of a new life to be seen earlier than it should._

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This was a nice scene, showing the familial love I hold for my sons... even when they nearly tear apart the fabric of space and time, almost destroy the balance of earth, gravely injure Shaymin and Darkrai, vaporize a town, and decimate a train in their squabbles. Anyways, I wait for the third egg to hatch patiently, but after a month I believe that it is a stillborn. So apparently I only have one option left, smash it. Why? If I could create the world why can't I bring a stillborn egg back to life, let alone look inside of it to see if it is even dead!?

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_The infants tumbled from his back as Arceus stood abruptly._

_He had no choice but raise his hoof above the egg: a dead creation, what else was he going to do with it? He wanted to see the being that was able to form during the time period, despite decayed within. The remnants would be enough to keep him at ease…_

_His hoof was brought down, fully planning to shatter the lifeless shell into many little pieces._

_Arceus stopped an inch before the impact – he blinked._

_The egg moved._

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Ah, thank goodness.

* * *

_The egg fell forward on the clear tile, shattering a large portion of the egg. Arceus frantically poked his head in the egg shell, pushing aside the pieces to see the infant a month late to birth. A sharp red claw pricked Arceus' head; the sudden jolt of pain had Arceus back away cautiously. Ghostly black wings flapped, three red claw-like objects resting on its wings, its body entirely compromised of gray, red, and black with bands of gold around its six legs and half-bands around its long neck. Like its siblings it shared the gleaming red eyes and head crest, although golden-yellow rather than gray-steel._

_Arceus tried to brush of the wild disbelief he almost came close to crushing his child to death._

_Arceus nuzzled its head on the newborn's crest, he was overwhelmed with a mingled amount of excitement and relief a new being was able to live in the world shared by himself, Dialga, and Palkia. Giratina, he decided to call his child, mewled softly, returning the affection to its parent, its tail whipping left and right happily._

_The trio was his children of creation._

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So for a while, we live a happy life, a quite life. With a world all to ourselves, I could focus all of my energy on raising my sons and watching them grow. And inevitably become the largest source of trouble in the world.

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_Three plates were created shortly after the trio was united for the first time: the spooky plate, the draco plate, and the iron plate. He knew he had nothing to worry about, seeing as his children obediently listened to him and got along with each other fine, but he created two extra plates that would serve as an elemental advantage over his children. Dialga was already planned, but the zap plate—which, Arceus found out, helped fertilize the land when combining it with the other plates—was created for Palkia, the dread plate for Giratina. Having created the new plates, he eased the apprehensive feeling when he stared intently at his playful children._

_Dialga conquered over time, Palkia with space, and Giratina with the shadows. Frankly, Arceus was a little overwhelmed the last being would have such an ominous skill but the other two were just as destructive with their own skill. Regardless he adored his children equally; grateful he could spend his eternal life with his precious creations under the plain night sky._

_Giratina nudged its head underneath its parent's arm, its ghostly wings tucked close to its small body. Palkia rested on top of Arceus' head, Dialga nuzzled on the fur of its parent's neck and body. Palkia pointed to the night sky's moon brightening up a small portion of the Hall, excitedly Palkia urged Arceus to create tiny little lights to fill the dreary blackened sky, its sibling eagerly agreeing._

_Arceus could not deny his children's request, the creatures crawled a distance away to give their parent some space, and then the Original Being's eyes glowed intensely. The dark sky was filled with tiny specks of light, the 'stars' brightening the night. The trio jumped animatedly, in a flurry of childish energy they began to talk about the stars in the sky and eventually snuggled close to their parent._

_Arceus inwardly smiled warmly: a life full of happiness for his children was happiness enough for him._

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Another heartwarming memory, if only this love could have lasted though.

* * *

_The trio reached seven feet within the next century, their weight increasing enough that Arceus could no longer have any of his children playing on his back, any moment and he could have sworn if they all jumped simultaneously his spine would have been long broken. The world was shaping with improvements, much better than it had been on the egg's first day lying in place in the Hall – the progress pleased Arceus, his children gave him newer ideas to construct the land. Although they could no longer crawl on his mane, he always playing with his children on the abundant green foliage on the land. The white sky now painted in a light blue color from the new landmass filling with water: Arceus had no need for water, his children did however. Food was found abundantly on the trees and shrubs, but then began his worries with the reoccurring tendencies of his children._

_Dialga was the constant victim for their bullying, Palkia was becoming increasingly territorial, and the little Giratina he remembered from birth affectionately cooing to Arceus' head nuzzles was becoming severely hostile. He chose to believe the three beings were going through a phase, their emotions hiked to the highest peak during their first half millennium anniversary of their birth. Arceus could sigh in relief it has only been three centuries since his children breathed life, by the end of the millennium the trio would have mellowed down and returning to the once loving siblings they use to be._

_Arceus, the Original Being of Creation, was never more wrong._

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You know, this does bring up the point, that it seems to me that Dialga is the one who is almost always bullied by the others. And apparently it gets worse as they grow older.

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_Everything began to crumble by the middle of the fourth century._

_Dialga was blasted across the Hall of Origin by Palkia's hyper beam, the dual dragon-water type slashed the air before Giratina could overpower its shadow to immobilize the spatial being in place. Blood was shed as Giratina immobilized Dialga instead, its jaws chomping harshly on the time-user's tail, Dialga cried loudly from the searing pain delivered by both its siblings, gathering its wavering strength it roared loudly to escape the clamped maws of the dual ghost-dragon creature. The rippling roar disturbed time that several inactive volcanoes exploded ahead of time, nearly bringing down the wandering Arceus with it. In a frenzied dash, Arceus panted heavily, his glimmering red irises settling on beams of energy shooting around the Hall._

_Arceus rushed to the Hall, thoroughly disturbed Palkia and Dialga were shrieking in pain Giratina's legs were pressed on their necks, the look in his creation's eyes simply murderous and without a trace of remorse. Arceus demanded Giratina to free his children with a mighty growl; the dark creature regarded him with a passive look of disinterest._

_Palkia sunk its claws into the flesh of Giratina's leg, with a yelp Giratina raised its legs, cursing under its breath as the pain pulsated through its leg. Palkia pounced, blasting Giratina directly on its face with hyper beam. Dialga, severely weakened by the abuse inflicted from both Palkia and Giratina, watched the two with a flaring resentment. The two beings collapsed from exhaustion, Dialga spat at them with a weak kick before curling up in a ball to rest._

_Arceus bowed his head; he closed his eyes to let the reality seep in._

_His…What was happening to his precious children?_

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So I did nothing? I just let them tear each other to shreds and they got tired while doing it and needed a nap!? We'll continue killing each other tomorrow, I need a nap.

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_The Creator never created something that could not be destroyed or something he could not overcome, so even though he thought he would never have use for it Arceus equipped the dread plate to his power—_

_Although the trio tried to kill each other off in the recent centuries, they never came close to perfecting it as they wanted. Crushed to death, maimed to death: they all grew weary and exhausted before ever landing the killing blows. Giratina was growing at a startling rate, and although not at full height as Dialga, it still towered over the alpha – its strength was remarkable and terribly outstanding. Giratina had waited for the three beings to fall deep into slumber, the night sky providing it a cloak into the darkness while its sibling's metal pieces made it effortlessly easier to recognize the time and spatial creatures in the blanket of darkness._

_Giratina opened its jaws wide, firing deadly projectiles of aura spheres directly on the soft underbellies of its siblings, both of them taking equal amount of damage before reflexively standing in an upright position, backstepping cautiously to avoid their violent sibling. The pair was caught unaware, the moment they blinked Giratina disappeared without a trace. They searched around frantically; the shadow-user beast reappeared beside Palkia's shadow and slashed the dual water-dragon type ruthlessly with its claws. The noise cleared Arceus' disoriented vision, he stood upright and called to Giratina in hopes his child would return to its senses._

_Palkia caught itself in the air, angrily it blasted its hyper beam that skidded on the tiles and landed on the two unsuspecting pair blankly staring at their calling parent. Giratina flew into the air with its mighty ghostly wings, the beating flaps alerting Palkia to evade Giratina's long-range attacks._

_It stopped beating its wings as it hovered above Palkia, its weight sending its sibling crashing on the Hall's glassy transparent flooring. Palkia twitched, and then stopped moving. Giratina walked over Palkia, readying a battle stance against Arceus._

_—because Giratina was no longer within his control anymore._

_"Judgment!" Arceus roared. The beams of light falling like projectiles down from the sky, cornering Giratina into submission, the beams felt like it was falling endlessly on Giratina that it pained the alpha to watch. Arceus turned his head away, ignoring the anguished cries of the dark beast._

_When it was all over, Arceus approached Giratina's twitching form._

_"You are banished from this world!" Arceus stated curtly, "To a world on the reverse side: the Distortion World."_

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Didn't you just say I'm not in control of Giratina any more?

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_He gazed at the jewels near the plates he created: a jewel to be bestowed to his three children of creation that was formed with all his love and all the faith his children will hone their skills with these jewels. The orb made for Giratina was touched for the last time with Arceus' pointed hoof, instead of sharpening Giratina's power it only granted the shadow creature a new form to maneuver in the new world._

_Arceus tucked the orb closely to Giratina's wings; he pressed his head on the golden crest on the being's head, whispering softly, "Goodbye, my child."_

_The Original Being pushed Giratina off the ledge of the Hall of Origin, the large shadow creature falling straight into a black vortex only to disappear from the world._

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Why didn't I do that two and a half centuries ago? I understand that I was trying to be patient with them, but I am not afraid to discipline my children when necessary. But even without Giratina, the rivalry would not stop...

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_The alpha was fully aware his children all left him: Dialga clashed with Palkia—Palkia only fainted last time from the incident with Giratina—in the sky. Palkia would storm through different open vortexes created by its air slashes to unleash several sneak attacks on its sibling._

_Why did his children seek to hurt each other?_

_It was becoming such a fine world, their assistance helped him wonders, and they use to get along so well!_

_Dialga body slammed Palkia, sending the creature flying towards a mountain._

_Palkia snarled, it opened its mouth to fire its hyper beam in retaliation against the monstrous blue beast. Dialga dodged the incoming attack; the pair steadily hovered over the Hall._

_Arceus joined the creatures to the sky, their fighting cut short to silently gaze at their parent._

_"Out of my sight! Never come near the Hall of Origin!" Arceus bellowed, stressing every word venomously. When the two refused to acknowledge the order, both began readily preparing a hyper beam. Arceus regarded them with a brief look of incredulity before ascending higher into the sky, "All shall be brought to justice!"_

_The golden wheel around Arceus' abdomen shined brightly, the spatial beast slashed the air to escape into the deepest dimensions of space, Dialga escaping to a world lost in time, both fully aware the beams of light would be raining down from the sky. Arceus watched the beams shoot down; crushing several mountains tips, sending the berry tree his children enjoyed eating from in flames. He returned to the Hall of Origin, sighing depressingly the jewels he created for Dialga and Palkia would be left for waste; in the end the alpha kicked the jewels off the ledge. Where they would plummet was none of his concern anymore. Arceus coiled up in a ball—how he could remember the many nights he would spend watching the night sky, his children curled close to him—in solitude once again. He created the insect plate to solve his solution to the deliverance of pollen for the flowers to grow from one place to another faster, the mind plate and toxic plate for the several new creatures now inhabiting the land._

_In such a grand world now filled with life he could feel the void deep inside losing all his children to their madness, the loneliness he would have no other choice but to endure. The world would progress without the Original Being – he created enough plates, he would fall into a slumber only to be awakened by the flute he embedded deep within the earth. The world will be fine without Arceus…_

_…After creating the three original beings, and what they eventually became…_

_The world could do without anymore of his mistakes._

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With that, this story ends. Overall, this was a very good story, one that explains a lot of the events that happened in the games. While I think that the love I held for my sons blinded me from being able to effectively control them, it was necessary for the development of this story. The only thing I can complain about is the slow beginning, but even that was necessary for the story as it showed me learning about the world that I created. Now if you excuse me, I have to go back to rebuilding the Hall of Origin.

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**Note from Imperator Justinian**

First, I would like to say that the idea of this originally came from reading Keldeo the Critic's review of Nine in the Afternoon, when he asked the audience to make a story about Arceus reviewing the story from his viewpoint, so credit goes to Mathias123 for the idea. Anyways, this is my first review, and I hoped you all liked it. While most of these will be from Arceus' viewpoint, I may have other Pokémon or (occasionally) an Author take over. I will be accepting requests and suggestions as to what to review (you can PM me or leave it in a review). Until next time.


	2. Red Paper Fan

**Arceus the Critic by Imperator Justinian**

**Episode Two**

**Red Paper Fan by TheViolaBuddy**

Greetings, I am Arceus, as you already know. As many of you might be aware of, I am credited with the creation of Sinnoh. However, there is another region that I created that is not as well known: Ransei, the focus of Pokémon Conquest. The game is not well known, but is certainly fun. So I will review a story from it: Red Paper Fan, by TheViolaBuddy. Before we go straight into the story I want to show you the Author's Notes, since they explain the reason for the story.

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_This is a Pokémon Conquest fanfic. Pokémon Conquest is essentially Pokémon plus Feudal Japan (in particular, the Sengoku Period). This period has many legends told about it, so it felt appropriate to retell one of them—this one is about Shingen and a fan. It takes place at some point after Shingen's story, Archenemies, but that particular episode is not crucial to understanding this fanfic. I don't want to give any spoilers, so I'll talk about this story a little more at the end._

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The particular story that he is talking about is rumored to have occurred during the fourth battle of Kawanakajima when Shingen's nemesis, Kenshin rode into his camp and attacked Shingen. Since Shingen was unprepared, he only had his iron signaling fan to defend himself with but somehow managed to survive Kenshin's attack. So this is effectively an adaptation of that legend. And now for the story:

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_On the hottest day that Terrara had seen in decades, a messenger burst into Terrera Castle and bowed towards the white-haired man seated on the throne._

_"Lord Shingen!" the messenger said. "There's a heat wave in Terrera!"_

_Shingen blinked. "Yeah, I kind of noticed."_

_The messenger grinned a little sheepishly. "Uh… sorry, my lord. I was just bringing the news…" He bowed again and awkwardly exited the throne room._

_At Shingen's left, a ninja warrior turned towards the ground- and rock-type specialist. "It really is far too hot," she said, fanning herself with a giant red paper fan. "And you know that Sneasel can't handle the heat that well."_

_"Well, what do you suppose that I do, Kunoichi?" Shingen asked. "I'm sweating just as much as you are. Besides, we're in the desert, in Terrera. It's not supposed to be cold here."_

_The ninja frowned. "Well, if it's the fault of the desert, then I'm not going to stay here. Come, Sneasel. Why don't we get ourselves to Nixtorm? I'm sure Mitsuhide won't mind." She turned back to Shingen. "I hope it won't bother you if I take your blimp. Here, I'll give you this fan in exchange. I won't be needing it any more. See you later, Shingen!" With that, she threw the red fan at the Warlord of Terrera and got up, running out of the castle._

* * *

Wait... If this is supposed to be set in the mid to late 1500's, why is there a blimp? (Ignoring Arceus' comment, yes there are blimps in the game, although no definitive timeline.)

* * *

_"My lord?" a new voice asked from Shingen's side. Shingen turned to find his Junior Warlord Yukimura and his partner Pokémon Charizard. "If you want, my lord, I can go find her. I can fly on Charizard to chase after the blimp and bring her back."_

* * *

If I recall correctly, It's Kunoichi's job to look after Yukimura, not the other way around.

* * *

_Shingen was silent for a moment, and Yukimura took that as a sign of displeasure._

_"I didn't mean to offend you, my lord!" he said quickly. "If you prefer that I stay here, I'll gladly do so. I just thought that perhaps, since all our other warrior's Pokémon aren't flying-types, I should help get her myself. But if you don't want me to leave you, I didn't mean to—"_

_Shingen cracked a smile, but immediately hid it. This was a perfect opportunity to make fun of Yukimura. "Yukimura?" The warrior shut up immediately. "I understand. You want to abandon your post. Just leave me here, all alone in this castle, with no one to take care of little old me, who am quickly approaching retirement." Yukimura raised his eyebrows in objection, but Shingen didn't let him speak. "Hey, if that's how things are between the Warlord and Junior Warlord, that's fine. I can find me a new Junior Warlord. My son Katsuyori is shaping up to be a real leader, wouldn't you say?"_

_Yukimura was silent in shock, and just stared wide-eyed at his lord, his Charizard's expression mirroring his._

_Shingen suddenly burst out laughing. "Oh, you should see yourself, Yukimura! The expression on your face—priceless! Go ahead; get Kunoichi to come back here. I'll be waiting here for you two." He grabbed Yukimura by the arm and shoved him out the front of the castle; Shingen's Rhyperior did the same with Charzard. "Bye!"_

_"Um… bye, my lord," Yukimura managed to choke out in his confusion before Shingen shut the front door._

* * *

A pretty clever practical joke, one that didn't take away from the plot but could also provide a good laugh.

* * *

_Shingen sat back down on his throne and picked up the red paper fan that Kunoichi had left behind. "You know, Rhyperior, there's this thing called air conditioning that apparently keeps the temperature cool. Maybe we should look into that." Shingen sighed. "But apparently, it needs electricity to work. Do you think you could go to Violight and ask Ginchiyo about it, about how to get it installed in Terrera Castle?"_

_Rhyperior grunted and walked off, happy to be about to get out of the heat, if nothing else._

* * *

Again, 16th century. And why should Rhyperior feel affected by the heat? It's a rock type, which are resistance to fire! (Arceus sighed and then looked down) While the timeline is messed up (not to say that the game's timeline isn't) it will have a greater effect on the plot. And at least this is well written, unlike many other stories regarding Conquest I have read. Anyways, while Yukimura and Kunoichi are off, Shingen's northern neighbor and nemesis Kenshin, hears about this from a "reliable source" and decides to attack.

* * *

_"Well, darn," Shingen said as a messenger pointed out Kenshin's banner approaching Terrera. "This is a horrible time to be attacked. Half our army is gone." He turned around to the remaining three warriors under his control. "Katsuyori, Masatoyo, and Kei: prepare yourselves for battle. Rhyperior's not here, and I haven't bothered to link with any other Pokémon, so I can't go with you." He grimaced. "Just do your best. I don't know if we can win, but just try to hold the battlefield for as long as you can—and above all, have fun!"_

* * *

Well that was quite the mood swing.

* * *

_The three warriors and their Pokémon nodded their agreement, and they headed towards the battlefield of Terrera, a stretch of desert with three tall pillars holding banners at the top of each._

_Kenshin and his five other warriors arrived at about the same time as Shingen's warriors. Upon seeing only three warriors greet him, Kenshin frowned._

_"Hey," he yelled across the battlefield. "Where's Shingen? Does he not think it fit to face his rival?"_

_"No, it's not that," said Katsuyori, Shingen's son. "He's still in the castle, since his Rhyperior—"_

_"He thinks he can just not show up for battle against his greatest nemesis?" Kenshin snapped. "Move out of the way. I'm going to go get him and drag him out here, if need be."_

* * *

Greatest and only nemesis.

* * *

_He shoved Katsuyori to the side and marched past Masatoyo and Kei towards Terrera Castle, Gallade following quickly._

_"My lord!" Kanetsugu shouted out. "I don't think it would be nice to do such a thing!" When Kenshin ignored him, he and Alakazam started to run after him. "Lord Kenshin, wait!" The two warriors disappeared into Terrera Castle._

_The remaining seven warriors just stared at each other. "Well, this is untraditional," said Sen, Kanetsugu's wife. "This was not what I expected when we were told to battle here." She crossed her arms. "Well, while we're waiting for them to return, should we get to know each other? Hello, Kenshin's army. My name is Sen, and I'm the wife of Kanetsugu, the man who just ran in there after Lord Kenshin. This is my Chingling. So how do you all do? It's awfully hot here. Is it always like this?"_

* * *

Well, why we're here why not have a tea party? And given the amount of times that they do battle you think both sides would be use to the heat of Terrara.

* * *

_Shingen sat down in his throne and started to fan himself with the red paper fan Kunoichi had left him. He hoped Rhyperior would come back soon with some information about how to install the air conditioning. The heat wave was truly unbearable._

_And to top all off, Kenshin's army was attacking right now, and he couldn't participate—it was very likely that he would lose Terrera in this battle, making the air conditioning a moot point._

_The door to the throne room suddenly burst open, and an angry Kenshin stormed in, his Gallade at his heels._

_"Shingen, what wrong with you? You're just sitting here, fanning yourself on your throne like a king without a care in the world, while I'm here to challenge your army to a battle!"_

_"But Kenshin, I—"_

_"Gallade, use Psycho Cut to force him out to the battlefield."_

_Gallade didn't hesitate. As the Perfect Link of Kenshin, it could understand his anger perfectly._

_Shingen could only lift up the red paper fan to shield himself from the purple blade-like energy that flew towards him._

_To everyone's surprise, upon hitting the fan, the Psycho Cut simply dissolved into thin air._

_"What?" Kenshin exclaimed._

* * *

Indeed.

* * *

_Shingen glanced down at the flimsy device in his hand. It seemed far too fragile to withstand the force of a full-on attack from such a strong Pokémon. Turning the fan over, however, he noticed that the psychic move did not leave the fan unscratched. In the center of the reverse side, there was a blackened section, as if the fan had been burned by the attack._

_That was all the time Shingen had to study it, however, since Gallade leaped at him again. Deciding that Psychic moves would just be blocked by the fan, it slashed at Shingen in a Fury Cutter attack._

_Shingen raised the fan in an attempt to protect himself—and once again, the flimsy paper somehow managed to stop the fighting Pokémon's attacks in its tracks. Shingen, taking advantage of Gallade's surprise, pushed the Pokémon's blade to the side and rolled out of the way._

_Now angry, Shingen lashed out with his fan at Gallade. However, although the fan could apparently take hits, its attack did almost nothing to Gallade. Gallade just brushed aside the red paper fan and raised its other arm, about to strike down on Shingen._

_At this moment, the door to the throne room creaked opened. Kanetsugu and his Alakazam entered and shut the door._

_The three Warriors and the two Pokémon in the room just stared at each other in surprise and confusion._

_"My… lord?" Kanetsugu stuttered. "Why is Gallade attacking Lord Shingen?"_

_Kenshin made no apparent response, but Gallade backed away from Shingen awkwardly, apparently ashamed._

_"I made an error in judgment," Kenshin finally said._

* * *

A little late for that, isn't it?

* * *

_Suddenly, Kunoichi burst into the throne room, followed by Sneasel. "Hey, guys!" she said. "What's up?" Before anyone could respond, she turned around and dragged something into the room._

_Someone, actually. Yukimura stumbled into the room, his Charizard marching in after him. "Please let go of me," he said. Kunoichi immediately did so, causing Yukimura to fall backwards, saved only by his Charizard catching him._

_Kunoichi ignored his fall and said, "See, Yukimura? Shingen is perfectly capable of defending himself. He was just joking when he said he was too old and tired to be Warlord any longer. He can go up against a Gallade with nothing but a red paper fan and be fine!"_

_"A ninja war fan," Yukimura said, pointing towards Shingen's hand. "That's the mark of the ninja on it."_

_Shingen looked down at the fan and found that indeed, the part of the fan that had been blackened by Gallade's Psycho Cut was in the shape of the mark of the kunoichi, a class of ninjas after which Kunoichi was named._

_Suddenly, he realized who had given the fan to him. Slightly disturbed, he turned towards Kunoichi. "You set me up for this attack, didn't you? You and Yukimura went away to leave me wide open for this attack, so that you could prove that I'm not old enough to retire. And you knew enough to leave me with this war fan to protect myself."_

* * *

And now for the big reveal:

* * *

_"Yep, that's right!" Kunoichi agreed. "Yukimura's been beating himself up about being not strong enough to have protected you from becoming weak, and I needed to show him that you aren't frail and old. I originally just wanted to get myself and Yukimura out of the castle, but the fact that Rhyperior left, too, was a nice bonus."_

_"I—I had nothing to do with this, my lord!" Yukimura protested. "I had no idea what Kunoichi was going to do! I had just gone to get her simply because I thought that you would want me to."_

_The ninja smiled. "It's true; he didn't know anything about this until just now. But I knew he would come after me. That's just how he is."_

_"Wait a moment," Kenshin interjected. "Were you the anonymous person who told my ninja that we should attack?"_

_Kunoichi nodded. "Of course. How else would we prove Shingen's fighting capabilities? We needed to get someone to attack him—and who better to do so than his archnemesis?"_

_Kanetsugu shook his head. "Kunoichi, you are a very odd person. I hate to see how Shingen's going to punish you after that little trick."_

* * *

So would I. But I would also be a little concerned that I employed someone capable of playing a prank of this magnitude.

* * *

_Shingen just threw his head back and laughed. "Kanetsugu, if you're surprised at this, you don't know Kunoichi at all. This is the sort of thing she does to me and Yukimura everyday. And you know what? It's worth it to see Yukimura's reactions!"_

_Everyone turned to Yukimura, who was standing awkwardly next to his Charizard, blinking at Kunoichi and Shingen in disbelief. "Thank you…?" he finally managed to stutter out hesitantly. "If it pleases my lord, I am glad to be a source of amusement for you."_

_"See what I mean?" Shingen asked, clapping Yukimura on the back. "In any case, don't we have a battle to fight right now? I don't think it'd be nice to let the others on the battlefield stay in this blistering sun for much longer."_

* * *

Another good joke, but I keep feeling worse and worse for Yukimura though. And now for the finish:

* * *

"_Actually," Kenshin said, "perhaps Kanetsugu was right when he told me that we shouldn't attack you when you're not a complete team. When your Rhyperior comes back, give me a call, and I'll be sure to come battle you fairly, a full six-on-six battle. How's that sound?"_

_Shingen smiled. "That sounds great. I'll be sure to do so." The two rivals shook hands, and Kenshin and Kanetsugu filed out of the castle._

_As soon as they were gone, Shingen snapped his head towards Kunoichi. "By the way, Kunoichi, you're not getting your red paper fan back. I really like it."_

* * *

And that finishes this story. So what is my final Judgment on it? It's good. While I don't think it's meant to be taken seriously, it has a good plot with some good humor, and is all together an enjoyable read. While my complaints lie with the timeline, like I said, I think it's not meant to be taken seriously, and it doesn't derive from the plot. The grammar is good which is always a bonus, so I have to say this is a pretty good story. Now, If you excuse me (whether you do or not is inconsequential) I have to continue the reconstruction of the Hall of Origin.


	3. Comedic Scene- 1

**Arceus the Critic by Imperator Justinian**

Arceus sighed to himself. Despite the fact he was making good progress with rebuilding the hall, he was exhausted. No, not physically, but mentally. He had to maintain both this world and the legendries, and the latter was probably more difficult. While they were millennia old, many of them acted immaturely. What had been a simple Christmas Party had descended into near anarchy when Arceus wasn't looking. And then it all ended with an explosion caused by Mew. Most wonderful time of the year his tail! Not only did he have to clean up the mess, but find the perpetrators and discipline them.

And if there was one thing Mew was better at than irritating him, it was hiding from him. Due to the fact that the little ball of hyperactive fur had the genetic makeup of all Pokémon stored in her small, feline body, she could hide anywhere, and using her Psychic abilities, could mask her presence from him. However, he knew her habits, and it had been quite easy finding her after eliminating a few hundred potential areas.

True to her nature, he had found the Pokémon on Honey Island, one of the islands that made up the archipelago known as Decalore, this particular Island being famous for it's sweet treats. Needless to say, Mew wasn't all to keen on the punishment that followed.

But the fact that Mew was under wraps now still didn't ease his headache. The Hall still had to be repaired, and the world still needed to be maintained. God acted through people and Pokémon after all, and he still had responsibilities. He was shaken from his train of thought by some whining coming from one of the areas of rubble on the platform that he called home.

"Arceus, can I take a break now?" asked the pink Pokémon, with eyes that could melt almost any heart. Almost.

"No. This is your punishment." at that Mew sighed, while she would have preferred just spending x amount of years as his messenger as she had done in the past, a particularly redundant job since Arceus was capable of speaking to all his legendries telepathically at a moment's notice, he had decided on the more just punishment of making her clean up her mess, hoping that it would instill some sense of responsibility in the Pokémon. Besides, since she usually didn't perform the small amount of duties he assigned her, he might as well make use of the opportunity to get the extra manpower.

"But I've been working for days..." complained Mew.

"At hiding from me, you've only been working only cleaning up this mess for an hour, twelve minutes and forty-two seconds." replied Arceus. Mew grumbled something inaudible, and went back to putting the marble pieces in their proper places. As Mew mentally lifted another piece of rubble something that was not coated with sugar caught her eye. Looking over her shoulder, she saw that Arceus had a whirlwind of rubble in front of him, trying to sort them out and place them back in their proper positions. Realizing her chance, she immediately ran over to the corner where she saw the object coming from and picked it up. It was flat and rectangular, white, with Arceus' wheel on the cover.

"A laptop?" mused Mew aloud, but not enough that Arceus could hear it over his work. Curious to what she could find she opened the device and turned it on. Surprisingly it wasn't password protected, but then again, she doubted that Arceus would anticipate anyone accessing his computer, even if those words she just thought didn't feel like they belonged in a sentence together.

She decided to do a little digging, and found a document titled "Journal". She accessed it and quickly skipped over the first section, since it was simply talking about the importance of preserving history for the future, and how we can learn from our mistakes, and blah blah blah. She decided to skim through the digital document, trying to find anything of interest. While many of the entries were about events that were not of any interest to her, she came upon some entries about the legendries, like "I have noticed Darkrai and Cresselia sneaking off, occasionally in their Human disguises, I ought to keep an eye on them." or "Ho-Oh has been caught stalking that boy from Pallet again, this type of behavior is detrimental and should be addressed."

After reading what she wanted to, and finding amazingly little dirt on Arceus (that which she did everyone already knew about, such as his atrocious cooking skills) she decided to access the browser. While waiting for it to come up, unsure if there was even an internet connection (If there was she had no idea of how it would be here) she looked over her shoulder and saw Arceus moving onto another section of the wall. She turned back and saw that it had come up. She noticed that he only had one bookmark and clicked on it, transferring the screen to a site called Fanfiction.

"Arceus reads Fanfiction!?" Mew exclaimed, wide eyed.

"What was that Mew?" asked Arceus working on a distant section of the wall. Hoping that he was far away enough that he couldn't coherently hear her she quickly scrambled to come up with an excuse.

"Nothing. I... My section of the wall just broke down." she yelled back. She thought she could hear some sort of grumbling, followed by something along the lines of "Then fix it". She quickly turned back to the machine and saw in the top right corner, in orange letters was the name "Arceus". She clicked it and something she could never imagine just happened.

She stumbled onto Arceus' Fanfiction account.

"Arceus writes Fanfiction!?" exclaimed Mew in pure shock, resisting the urge to pass out.

This day had just gone from bad, to worse, to insanity. This had to be a dream. Never in a thousand years would she think, even in her wildest dreams, that Arceus had a Fanfiction account. She would know, Mew had the time to do so. So this was obviously a dream. She probably was still on Honey Island, disguised as a Combee, hiding from Arceus. Still, if this was a dream it had taken a pleasant turn. She decided to explore his account a bit, starting with his friends.

"Let's see, A Roman Emperor, A Mismagius, Keldeo, A Lucario holding a giant key, Kyurem? A mouse with a sword, a plane, a Lucario dressed as Spiderman and Mewtwo!? This is definitely a dream." Mew then click on a tab that said "Publishing" and saw Arceus had a story titled "Arceus the Critic". This may just be a dream, but it was certainly going to be a good one...


	4. 3N Times life

**Arceus the Critic by Imperator Justinian**

**Episode Three**

**3N Times life**

Hi, everyone it's me, your favorite Physic-Type Pokémon... Mew! To get back at Arceus for him forcing me to help him clean up, I "accessed" his computer and will review a story. Since I don't have much time before he finishes, I'm going to have to do a short one though. And the one I have decided to review is called: 3N Times life... Okay... maybe the author can explain.

* * *

_So... This is a story out of pure boredom. I Thought of this in the middle of math class a few days ago when trying to solve the problem:_

_Solve (For n 12) (for o 15)_

_-4n+7o_

_So lets see where this goes, (First person to solve this problem correctly will get an achievement! XD)_

_I don't own pokemon or anything related to it, and I hope you all enjoy!_

* * *

You wrote a story just to get help on a math problem? Just do what I do; "persuade" Uxie to do it for you.

* * *

_-White_

_It was about the time of day when I would find N reading text books, or doing some other thing that is boring. But this time, he was freaking out and speaking in some sort of math language._

_"No! If 3N is negative how am I suppose to multiply it!? Let alone my self!?"_

_No I knew something was up... Why would he want to multiply himself? Shaking my head, He finally noticed I was in the same room as him._

* * *

Why would N even need to practice math? And where are they anyways? Is it a library? A school? A house? Some place in the woods that happens to have a desk and text books?

* * *

_"Can you help me with this?" He sounded desperate._

_"Sure, but I don't understand why you are doing math from a book, when you don't have to..." I shrugged, and he glared at me, In a sort of childish way._

_"I told you yesterday... if I am going to be a king, I need to know Math, proper language skills, grammar, and-"_

_"N, You do know, that if you keep your self cooped up in here... you won't accomplish anything..." I sighed._

_"Besides, if you want to free pokemon... why learn math Pokemon don't know math..." I said, glacing away from the older teen_

_"They do too! See? Just look at Zorua!" He argued. I looked back to him, and fallowed to where he was pointing. I spotted Zorua who looked miserable, covered in stickers of numbers and math symbols._

* * *

Let's work on the last two first. Seriously; _No I knew, why learn math Pokémon don't know_ _math_,_ glacing, _and _fallowed_? Would it kill you to look over a story that's only six hundred words?! And why would N even cover a Pokémon in stickers?

* * *

_"Maybe pokemon need to be freed from you..." I sighed under my breath and walked closer to the small fox._

* * *

Finally something that makes sense.

* * *

_Getting all of the little stickers out of Zorua's fur, I walked back over to N._

_"Now? What do you need help with?" I asked. sitting next to him._

_"The problem is Negative three, times N but, I don't want to be times by three! Let alone NEGATIVE THREE!" He was near tears. I gave him a strange look, not completely understanding what was going threw his head, and looked at the page._

_"No, the problem is five y minus, three N... for N twenty-five, for y thirty..." I say pointing the rest of the problem._

* * *

Was that supposed to be the punch line? It probably would have been funnier if White actually punched N for making a big deal out of nothing.

* * *

_"Well, I still don't want to be multiplied by three! I don't want there to be more then one of me!" He was holding onto his hair, almost as if he was going to rip it all out. When it hit me... he is thinking that the N in the problem is HIM!_

* * *

So did you punch him then?

* * *

_"N... The problem is not saying to do this to your self, the letter N in the algebraic expression, is just a place holder for a number..." I say, just remembering what one of my old math teachers had told the class, but substituted some other words in... but not really understanding it that much._

_"So?... there isn't going to be a bunch of me running around?..." He suddenly lessoned his hold on his hair._

_"No," I said, in a sympathetic voice._

* * *

How old is N in this anyways. In Black and White 2 all he talked about were Formulas and in this story he can't even grasp simple Algebra.

(Mew then looked down with a sheepish smile)

Not to say that I can't either but I would expect a little more out of him.

* * *

_"..." He was silent for a moment._

_"Well can you teach me to do that!? Cause the more of me there are!, The easier it will be to help my friends!" He said standing up. I sighed. This was hopeless._

_"N..." I said, and put my hand on his shoulder. "It's not possible..." I said sternly. But he kept ranting on, and, on, and on._

_"Fine! Wast your life doing the Math to make something that could actually do that!" I yelled, throwing my hands in the air, and walking out of the room_.

* * *

So Hilda could tolerate N's ignorance but not a speech? Eh, I know how you feel, especially when I'm forced to listen to Arceus. But since I can't yell at him I just ignore him. Well that brings this fic to a clo- wait, there's one last part!

* * *

_Turning to Zorua, I smiled, and he smiled back._

_"I think it worked, what about you?" I asked, and he started to jump around, yipping happily, witch was his way of saying yes. Smiling again, I reached down and pat him on the head._

_"At least now, she won't come in here as often." I said, but not to sure I meant it._

* * *

That's it? This entire thing was a ruse to make sure White didn't visit you as often? What did she do to deserve that! Great, now N has gone from an idiot to a jerk. What a GREAT ending. Well this is-

"MEW!"

Not a dream!


	5. Comedic Scene- 2

**Arceus the Critic by Imperator Justinian**

Finally, at long last the Hall had been rebuilt. Due to his hard work, Arceus had finally managed to rebuild the Hall to its former Glory. Most of the Legendries had decided to come by and celebrate the reconstruction of his home, much to his chagrin, an now he was in the crowded Grand Hall, with most of the legendries conversing amongst themselves.

A particularly crowded area was around Keldeo, with many of the Legendries keen to hear about his experiences traveling through the G-Man Door. Arceus wasn't particularly sure or concerned about what the G-Man door was, he was more focused on finding a quite place to rest after all of his hard work. Of course, it had to be nearby to ensure that if any trouble were to break out he would be able to stop it before history repeated itself. And right now the two were mutually exclusive.

Finding no such place, and realizing that none of his guests would be leaving soon, he decided to save face and hovered over to his throne and situated himself while trying to make sure he wouldn't fall asleep. As he felt his eyelids slowly closing one of the younger legendries floated up to him.

"Arceus, I've noticed an usually low amount of 'incidents' at this gathering." stated the Pokémon that Arceus could now identify as Jirachi.

"And?" Arceus simply replied, not seeing any problem in peace.

Sighing, Jirachi decided to be more direct. "What did you do with Mew?"

"What did I do with Mew?" mused Arceus.

* * *

At the Blachernae in Constantinople:

A brown haired man with a prominent chin was currently buried under the sheets of a bed, with only his head uncovered. He then grabbed a tissue from the box on the nightstand next to his bed and sneezed into it, making his already red nose redder. He groaned and sunk his head back into the pillows that were propping him up, hoping to get some sleep and escape the pain of his ailment. His hopes were dashed however, when a small pink feline-like Pokémon hovered into his room carrying a bowl with a spoon sticking out of it.

"Here's your soup Justinian." exclaimed Mew loudly, soliciting a groan from the recipient. The Pokémon quickly hovered over to the Emperor, but was to hasty and bumped into an Icon situated on his nightstand, knocking over and breaking the priceless piece of art and sending the bowl of steaming soup at the ill man. What followed next was a scream that could be heard throughout the palace.

* * *

"That seems more like a punishment for Justinian than Mew." stated Jirachi.

"Perhaps, but he does not suffer fools lightly either." replied Arceus.

"Eh. Whatever helps to keep pointless destruction from occurring." with that the small Pokémon flew off towards the gathered younger legendries who were currently busy playing a board game. With the distraction that Jirachi provided gone, Arceus slowly felt himself drifting off to the warm embrace of sleep. However, that reprieve was broken as well with the sound of a large crash. He quickly located the source of the crash to be the six winged, gray dragon Giratina, who was currently slumped up against one of the marble walls with pieces of marble scattered before him, evident that he had crashed through the one of the columns. He looked the other way and saw that Dialga and Palkia were facing him down, still wary of any attempts to attack.

The crash had not drawn his attention alone, and every other head in the room turned in the direction of the now semi-conscious Giratina. The last thing Arceus wanted was this to collapse into chaos so with a turn of his head he silently ordered all the legendries out of the room. Everyone got the message. He then turned back towards the Creation Trio and froze them before they could escape his wrath. He was not in the mood for such petty things right now.

* * *

After questioning his sons, he had determined that Palkia and Dialga were acting in defense and were not deserving of punishment. Giratina on the other hand had let his pride go before his fall (in other words, had try to show his "superiority") once again and Arceus needed to address that matter. After humiliating the dual Dragon/Ghost type and forcing him to clean up his mess Arceus let him go.

He was simply to tired to dull out serious punishment and decided to head for his chamber to rest. He hovered over to the plush comforter and lowered himself on it, getting comfortable before he fell asleep. He drifted off to sleep remembering times he shared with his sons before they grew up. Arceus still remembered when Giratina came to him for advice on governing the Reverse World in the first weeks that he had given it to him...


	6. All it Takes is a Light Touch

**Arceus the Critic by Imperator Justinian**

**Episode Four**

**All it Takes is a Light Touch by AnimeGirlKairi (blazikenxlucario)**

Greetings, as you already know I am Arceus. I remember a time when Giratina was still a small and meek Pokémon who loved his brothers. Then he grew up. Well, in honor of those memories, I will be reviewing a story about when Giratina first started governing the Distortion World, called All it Takes is a Light Touch by AnimeGirlKairi, formerly known as blazikenxlucario.

* * *

_Arceus, sleeping soundly in his quarters_

* * *

Ah sleep, something that I have desperately tried to get over these past few weeks.

* * *

_was disrupted by footsteps outside the door. His eye opened lazily, gazing at the silhouettes of feet walking by under the doorway, walking in a back and forth pattern. He mumbled something, wondering why in the world another Legendary would be here when it's in the middle of the time Arceus gets his annual rest from the hard work of keeping all the other legendaries in check, not to mention keeping the universe and other dimensions in balance_._ It's a lot harder than you think, trust in the Alpha pokemon who had to create the confusing Physics and Chemistry we all know and love today._

* * *

Know, yes. Love? That's a different matter.

* * *

_Still half asleep, he lifted his head weakly as he watched the silhouettes disappear from under the door, sounds echoing throughout the hall outside as the legendary walked away. Arceus sighed, still debating on whether or not he should investigate the unknown 'intruder'. He was not in the mood to pass on Judgment to anyone right now._

_He closed the only eye he left open as he lied his head back onto the fluffy, silk-lining pillow he created with careful craftsmanship. He snuggled against the pillow, feeling himself drift into slumber once more when he heard a faint sound. He grumbled, now angry that this mysterious legendary was disturbing his sleep even more. All he wanted to do, though, was to ignore the odd sound and continue on getting back to sleep. However, due to keeping his eyes 'closed' in concentration, his ears were now more sensitive to sound than usual and now he could distinctly clarify what the sound was. It was the sound of someone crying._

* * *

Why would someone interrupt my annual sleep only to run away and cry?

* * *

_His ears perked up, interested in this sound, tugging at his heartstrings. He sighed as he lazily lifted his head once more, both of his eyes were now trying to focus on the blurry door a couple of feet away from his bed. Whoever was crying in the halls, he never heard it before. In his constant years of 'supervising' legendaries, there were times where a legendary would cry and ask him for help, or to just try get attention from their 'parent'._

* * *

Depends on what type of attention they're trying to get.

* * *

_He sighed as he levitated towards the door, flinching from emerging from the warm covers into the cold air. He shivered, realizing it has been awhile since he slept in cold temperatures deep in his own dimension. He slowly levitated over to the door, peering as he opened the door a crack to gaze out into the hallway. No one was there, only the shadow of a legendary shrank smaller, as it walked down another light-filled away adjacent from here._

_His eyes narrowed, trying to figure out the shape of the silhouette on the wall. Unfortunately, the shadow disappeared before he could figure out whose shadow it was._

* * *

So I am able to know the cry of a specific legendary but not their shadow?

* * *

_Effortlessly, he pushed his door open and continued to levitate over to the adjacent hallway, following the mysterious legendary with full curiosity. He peeked his head around the corner, looking to see if the legendary was still there. No one was in sight. He narrowed his eyes once more, this time in irritation._

_Whoever it was that was trying to get his full attention, their plan was working. He levitated down the light-filled hallway, squinting as he tried to look down upon the floor from the bright lights above. It didn't help him, for the light too reflected brightly from the clean, clear tiles below. He grumbled as he was resorted to closing his eyes, levitating blindly as he continued down the hallway. Unfortunately however, his senses were drained from sleep deprive and he ran into a wall. He yelled softly upon impact, swearing under his breath_

* * *

STOP! Did this story just say I swore?

* * *

_swearing under his breath_

* * *

What type of semi-divine Pokémon am I if I swear? And more so, a wall... A WALL is able to cause me enough pain to swear but not the combined might of my three sons, who I might add I was able to defeat effortlessly? Apparently this wall is more powerful than Palkia, Dialga and Giratina and more annoying than Mew if it could make me curse.

* * *

_He looked around, noticing two hallways in between him, along with the hallway he just levitated through behind him. He listened carefully for the cry that the pokemon was making, but instead, all he heard was silence. He hummed, wondering whether or not to just go back to bed and forget all about the mysterious legendary who disrupted his sleep._

_He was about to turn around when he heard a loud bang along with a quake that shook the walls and the lights that shone brightly from the hallway behind him._

* * *

Well, that's a nice wake up call isn't it?

* * *

_He looked in the direction it came from, a hallway that led to the gardens outside. Now wondering what happened outside, he levitated down the hallway, now going at a much quicker pace than before._

_Once he passed the arch that was displayed as an entryway to the garden, he looked around to see if there were any damages to anything outside. Sure enough, the wall that lined the pathway in front was demolished. Cracks and pieces that were broken off the wall were all over the place. He frowned, displeased on how his work of art was suddenly demolished for no apparent reason. He levitated over, gathering all the pieces with his psychic ability as he began to assemble and fix the broken wall with ease, finishing the work by using his rock plate to fix the unnecessary cracks. The wall revealed to be a mural of the universe with all kinds of planets, including comets and distant black hole to add to the interesting piece. Arceus nodded his head in approval, inspecting the art one last time for any unseen marks he have subconsciously missed._

* * *

So this legendary apparently has very sudden and dangerous mood swings.

* * *

_But then, he noticed something move near the fountain out of the corner of his eye. He turned his head to witness Giratina himself opening a portal by using the fountain's water to get to the distortion world._

_"Giratina!" He called, Giratina jumped in fright. He turned around to notice his father now fully awake, his expression bewildered but held a hint of remorse. Arceus levitated closer to his son, eager for an explanation on why he was here during the time of his slumber._

_"Hello, Arceus…" Giratina began uneasily, his voice quiet and his eyes giving no contact to his father's. Arceus began to worry, Giratina never acted like this before. He was always so radiant, an ego statistical legendary who loved to rub his arrogance against other people, not to mention a trickster who loved to mess with other beings and legendaries._

* * *

Yep, that's Giratina.

* * *

_Giratina closed the portal and sat down on the grassy-bed nearby, Arceus following him and sitting down next to him. "I'm sorry I awoke you." He whispered, laying his head onto the soft grass._

_"What's wrong?" Arceus asked, his voice benevolent and calming._

_Giratina sighed as he closed his eyes, deep in thought on how he was going to say something that down-right acted against his mindset. "I...I'm having trouble trying to guide the Distortion World." Giratina mumbled._

_"Oh?" Arceus cooed as he rubbed his head against Giratina's, trying to relax the embodiment of death._

_"It's...it's just when I tried to help my subjects out...it ended up that they were too dependent on me, and they couldn't stand up for themselves." Giratina began, his voice confused and bewildered. Arceus nodded in understanding, urging his dear son to continue. "In the end, they all died."_

* * *

Should I be concerned that my son dabbled in socialism?

* * *

_I'm so sorry." Arceus apologized sincerely._

_"So, then I decided to not help any of my subjects at all , but because of not understanding simple things such as knowing when to stop or commit to something...they died too." Giratina said, his voice rising with each word he said. His eyes grew somber as a couple of tears streamed down his cheeks. "I don't know what to do."_

* * *

So sadly, he went to the other end of the scale and became an anarchist.

* * *

_"A light touch." Arceus simply stated._

_Giratina sat up and looked at his father in confusion, "A light touch?" Giratina repeated._

_"Being too involved with beings can cause them to be dependent on you, but being distant can cause them to lose understanding and balance among themselves. All it takes is a light touch." Arceus explained, looking into his son's pleading eyes._

_"I...I don't understand." Giratina stuttered, his spirit weakening as his eyes continued to pour streams of tears down his cheeks._

_Arceus nuzzled Giratina's head once more, soothing the troubled dark deity as he leaned against his father's body. "All it takes is a light touch," Arceus repeated, "Help out once in awhile when you think they truly need it. You don't have to be noticed when you do it either, when you believe it's the right time to help them, do it. If not, then don't."_

_"But what if I screw up?" Giratina asked, hopelessness etched into his voice._

_"No one's perfect. It just takes practice." Arceus admitted, his eyes half-closed._

* * *

What a heartwarming moment! I always enjoy these type of moments with my sons, even if they deprive me of my sleep and destroy a few walls.

* * *

_Giratina hummed, his eyes looking into the distance as he pondered the idea his father just gave him. As he continued to ponder the idea, his hope began to rise, a smirk slowly forming on his face. "Yeah." He mumbled to himself._

_Arceus smiled, noticing that Giratina is coming back to his normal self, the smirk evident on his face. He looked at Arceus, his smirk disappearing once he Arceus's smile. "T...tell anyone about this and I won't forgive you!" Giratina stuttered, his eyes looking away as Arceus's smile grew wider. Arceus couldn't help but stifle a laugh as he watched the embodiment of death's face turn beet red in embarrassment._

_"I'm...I'm serious! It'll ruin my reputation!" He continued, his face growing a darker shade of red._

_Arceus waved him off as he shook his head in disbelief, "I won't tell anyone." He stated, his smile still evident on his face._

* * *

Do I even have a mouth?

* * *

_You better!" Giratina scowled, making his way towards the fountain._

_"Whenever you're feeling insecure, just talk to me." Arceus called, his smile turning into a smirk._

_"Yeah, yeah." Giratina waved off as he made his portal. He looked back one more time at the now sleeping Arceus who just collapsed from exhaustion, his eyes softening, "Thanks dad, and...a…sorry about the wall, you know how it is having a stressful job and all." With that he leapt into the portal, arriving back into his own world. But without Giratina noticing, Arceus smiled once more, hearing everything, discussing in his inner mind on how he was going to get back at Giratina for wrecking his wall._

* * *

And that brings this story to an end. And what is my judgment on this story? It's good, while my main quarrel simply lies with the cursing, aside from that this story was a good read. The emotions were portrayed very well, and it had a nice moral. Overall, I'm quite happy with this story. Now if you excuse me, I am going to go get some rest.


	7. Lucian VS Metagross

**Arceus the Critic by Imperator Justinian**

**Episode Five**

**Lucian VS Metagross**

Greetings, I am Arceus. Today I will be reviewing a story titled Lucian VS Metagross. Before you ask, the majority of this story is not actually about a battle but about the conflict between trainer and Pokémon. So without further ado, let's take a look at the story.

* * *

_"Happy Birthday, Lucian!"_

_Everyone burst into Lucian's room at once with big grins: Aaron, Bertha, Flint, Riley for some reason, and, mostly importantly, Cynthia. They were donning every birthday party cliché imaginable: birthday hats, Pokemon-shaped balloons, regular balloons, and various noisemakers. Cynthia even threw in some belated confetti for good measure._

* * *

I wouldn't say that it is every cliché imaginable. Where are the streamers? And a song that's really a thinly veiled insult?

* * *

_"What a surprise," Lucian said with a mild smile, snapping his latest novel shut after marking its place. Everyone knew better, but he might as well go along with the charade. Just another day at the Sinnoh League with the local psychic._

_Soon came the good part: the cake (specifically, lemon cake fashioned into a Alakazam's face) and the presents. Lucian concentrated very hard not to read everyone's minds, and spoiling his gift's identities. Some things he preferred to be surprises._

_Aaron went the safe route and got him a whole new series of books: An Espeon's Tale, An Espeon's Journey, and An Espeon's Return. Bertha gave him a collection of Psychic Gems she had gathered in faraway Unova, as well as a purple-themed star quilt she had sewn herself. Flint gave him a lava lamp, probably because Flint thought it was cool (Lucian glanced into his mind, and soon confirmed his suspicions).Riley gave him some geodes and a fossil, probably for similar reasons (this too was verified with a swift thought check). What was Riley even doing here? He wasn't a League member, and certainly not a friend of his, even if he was Cynthia's._

_Cynthia went last, handing him a wrapped-up sphere that was obviously a Pokeball. Lucian could feel the raw psychic energy radiating from it, and knew instantly what it was. He carefully stripped off the wrapping paper with his telekinesis (he could have done it by hand, but what was the fun in that?) and pushed the button on the red-and-white capsule._

* * *

While I would interject here with a comment since I have no hands I suppose you could say I do not have a hand to stand on.

* * *

_One flash of light later, and a bizarre metal creature stood before him. It was quadruped, making its huge blue body almost spider-like. A large silver X obscured most of its face. Red pupils within black eyes studied Lucian like a scientist looking over its latest subject._

_"Oh wow! A Metagross!" Aaron exclaimed._

_Lucian himself was speechless. He knew how rare its pre-evolution Beldum, much less Metagross, were, and how notoriously hard they were to catch. Some compared capturing one to capturing a legendary. As he thought about how hard it must have been to obtain such a creature, he caught scraps of memory from Cynthia: Cynthia finding the Metagross, Cynthia challenging the Metagross, and then Cynthia engaged in a intense battle with the blue metal monster. She threw Pokeball after Pokeball at the metal beast, and the Metagross broke out of each one. Seeing that, and the fact that Lucian had wanted on for a while…_

_"…Thank you," Lucian finally said. It was all he could think of saying. "Thank you very much."_

* * *

While I am not a trainer, I would be rather offended if someone gave me a Pokémon for my birthday. Basically the message it conveys is that "you aren't good enough to catch or train a Pokémon so I did that for you". I think an Elite four would certainly be offended by that. Still, the notion was certainly kind.

* * *

_When tomorrow came, the happy glow from the day before began to disperse. The truth was rising like smoke on the horizon of daybreak._

_Metagross was a was a massive, mighty, intelligent being, and Metagross knew it. In fact, it seemed to consider itself vastly superior to all other life forms, including Lucian. The metal monster didn't say this directly to Lucian: like most Pokemon, it spoke it its own distinct language. However, Lucian could feel its potent psychic power and read its mood and intentions._

_The problem, of course, was that Metagross could do that too. Only it was much, much more skilled at it, being essentially a psychic supercomputer. It could predict Lucian's plans several steps ahead, and thwart them before Lucian even knew he was making plans. Lucian, who considered himself intellectual by human standards, was not pleased about being constantly outsmarted by his own Pokemon._

* * *

Did it other occur to Lucian to make a move that didn't make sense? The problem with computers is that they can't comprehend things that do not make sense without overheating.

* * *

_Metagross wasn't a team player either. It bullied his other Pokemon, to the point where they deliberately avoided it. It consumed enormous amounts of food, driving away any Pokemon that tried to get a bite to eat themselves. Sometimes it even stole food from the other Pokemon. It was bad enough that Lucian had to feed it separately._

_Metagross excelled in battle, however. It obeyed Lucian's commands and took out many challenger's Pokemon with ease. It did this partially because it loved to battle, and partially because silently taunting Lucian via telepathic impulses only he could detect._

* * *

I don't quite understand the last sentence. Not only because it is worded rather oddly, but because it doesn't make much sense in general.

* * *

_Normally, Lucian would just get another Metagross. Lucian had dealt with three Alakazam before finally finding his current team member. But Lucian didn't have that option this time: Metagross were rare, and, more importantly, Cynthia gave him this Metagross. He was not about to box or trade away her birthday present to him. Nor was he going to admit he was being bested by a supernatural machine Pokemon._

_So every time Cynthia, or anyone else, asked about his Metagross, he gave a calm smile back and told them Metagross was doing fine, great even. Now they could go away while he tried to work out his current problem. He didn't say the last part, of course, but his cheerful comrades were becoming increasingly irritating._

_The Metagross didn't disrupt the façade and behaved around others, so their power struggle was kept under wraps. Metagross knew as well as Lucian that if everyone else knew, the game would be over for both of them. Lucian would be humiliated, and Metagross would likely be sent away. This was a personal contest, with both of them determined to win._

* * *

You are going to have a power struggle with a Metagross!? That's the equivalent of having a staring contest with a painting; it's completely pointless and a waste of time.

* * *

_Lucian tried passive methods first. He played chess with it, and never won once. He tried taking it to Pokemon massage parlors, but Metagross didn't want any human laying a hand on it. He tried introducing it to the wondrous world of books, but it didn't bother trying to read anything (though Lucian knew full well it was brilliant enough to do so if it really wanted to). Lucian even denied it lunch, to see if he could control it via its ravenous stomach._

_The last one was the greatest disaster of all. After Lucian came back to his room from his own lunch, he found Metagross out of its Pokeball, It proudly stood over the myriad books laying shredded on the floor. It levitated and tore up a few more pages just because it knew it would anger Lucian more._

_It did._

_Lucian's eyes shone bright blue as he snarled, his hair floating as ripped paper spun around him like a snowstorm. "That's it! If brute force is all a hulking machine like you can understand, then I'll bring you down myself! One on one! Psychic power versus psychic power!"_

_Lucian almost wanted to swallow his words, but he was not about to show fear in front of Metagross. Really, this was the best option. Cynthia battled it, and it seemed to have a healthy respect for her. So if he could beat it himself, it would have no choice but to regard him as its better._

_Metagross, with an almost giddy rattling, accepted his challenge by stomping one of its spiked feet on the floor. The room, or what was left of it, shook slightly._

* * *

Well, this will prove to be interesting. Who will win? The one hundred and fifty pound purple haired bookworm who looks like the Pokémon version of Kenny G or the two ton steel Pokémon?

* * *

_They couldn't have a fight at the League though, so Lucian chose Iron Island as their battleground. It was isolated, and…Lucian didn't want to think too much on the matter. Extensive planning was detrimental when your opponent could read your mind._

_They stood on top of the mountain, each waiting for the other to make a move. Facing Metagross with only his own psychic abilities felt like a worse and worse idea by the minute, but Lucian wasn't about to back down now. He knew he couldn't take Metagross head-on, but knockout was only one of two options. If he made it exhaust its psychic power, the only type of attack allowed in this match, that would prove he was the better psychic, and therefore the winner. Knocking out the mighty tank-like Pokemon would be a great catharsis though._

_Lucian levitated several rocks, sending a swarm of large stones at Metagross. The metal monster easily halted their high-speed flight though, and shot them back at Lucian. He telekinetically raised up a great cloud of dust to obscure himself from view. The rocks whizzed by him, with some of their paths deftly altered by his powers to keep from getting too close._

_I could die in this spat, though Lucian, but he was too furious and fed-up with Metagross's antics to care. He levitated himself so that he could be faster and harder to hit. He evaded more stones, clumps of earth, spikes of loosely-formed iron, and even a poor Staravia that had been dragged into the telekinetic fight as it was flying by. Whatever he couldn't dodge, he blocked by making shields of boulders or walls of ground. His own raw power wasn't strong enough to stop projectiles in their tracks, though he could slow them or tweak their flight course. Whenever he had an opportunity he flung his own attacks at Metagross, though their purpose was more for annoyance and distraction than actual damage._

_Lucian manipulated the ground around Metagross's feet, liquefying it and causing it to mold around its spider-like legs. Metagross used its powers and own might to get rid of the mud, but more muck soon bound it in place again. Eventually Metagross made an irritated beeping sound, and used its psychic power to magnetize itself, activating a Magnet Rise state. It rose off the ground, tucking its legs in as it broke free of the mire. It looked like a alien warrior's UFO._

* * *

I think I understand where he is going with this, and if I am correct it is a good strategy but it will also backfire.

* * *

_Before Metagross could react, the endless iron ore in the already-destabilized soil erupted out of the mountain and piled onto Metagross now-magnetic body. It looked more and more like an actual spider. Unable to instantly reverse the effects of its Magnet Rise, even Metagross's immense psychic power could keep it aloft for long. It crashed like a meteor onto the ground-_

_And suddenly the weakened, half-liquefied ground gave way, and both Lucian and Metagross were falling into the depths of the deep, hollowed-out mountain. Metagross was weighed down by all the magnetized iron ore, and Lucian's own psychic powers were fading fast, already pushed to the brink during their match. Hurriedly he tried to recall Metagross, but the thick layers of iron coating it blocked the Pokeball's retrieving beam._

_I've doomed us, Lucian thought. All over a stupid-_

* * *

Really? I doubt the story would end with you plummeting to your death with the sudden realization of Pride comes before a Fall, this time literally.

* * *

_A frantic roar echoed from above, and several vines whipped down and seized Lucian. The thorns in the vines sunk painfully into his skin as it stopped his fall, but it was a lot better than dying. But Metagross-!_

_A bright psychic aura enveloped the falling Metagross, the last of its psychic power, but that only slightly slowed its fall. Then the glow intensified as a other Psychic-using Pokemon materialized and unleashed their power: a Spiritomb, and two Lucario. Between all the telekinetic efforts the iron-bound Metagross landed roughly but safely._

_Lucian felt himself being lifted up, and found himself face-to-face with a cross Cynthia, riding her Garchomp, and her Roserade._

_"Cynthia? How did you…" Lucian began, before noticing Riley nearby. He got a few mental snapshots of Riley spotting the fight, being confused, and then calling Cynthia on his Poketch. Blasted Riley and his snooping, even if it did happen to be a good thing this time…_

* * *

Technically Riley wasn't snooping, he was going for a walk in an area that he is known to frequent and happened to see your pointless struggle in time to save your hide. You think you could be a little more grateful.

* * *

_"What the hell were you thinking, Lucian?" Cynthia yelled. "Putting yourself in such pointless danger like that?"_

_Her gray eyes were glaring at him, but Lucian didn't need to be a psychic to know she was more scared and upset than angry. Actually, being a psychic only made Lucian feel much, much worse. He averted his gaze._

_"I'm sorry, Cynthia…"_

_Cynthia's expression softened, now more perplexed than furious. "What were you doing out here anyway? Why were you fighting your own Metagross?"_

_Lucian sighed heavily. The game was over, and it was just as well. "It's a long story…"_

* * *

Actually it's only three thousand and eighty words.

* * *

_"You should have just told me that you were having issues with Metagross," said Cynthia. They were in Cynthia's battle room, in all its semi-psychedelic glory, with Metagross wandering about. "I thought that Metagross might be difficult, given its nature and its life as a wild Pokemon, but since you said everything was fine…"_

_Lucian kept quiet. It would have been simpler that way. Right now, Lucian was just glad that Cynthia had decided to keep the knowledge of this incident to herself and Riley. Though facing Cynthia's disapproval was the worst, he didn't want to deal with the other League members lectures and laughter on top of that. Riley was going to be bad enough…_

_"…Anyway, point is, don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it," Cynthia added. "We're meant to work together, not just compete with each other. You can trust us."_

_Lucian nodded. "I know. It's just…well, I didn't want to seem like I was looking a gift Rapidash in the mouth, so to speak. And you fought so hard to capture the Metagross too…"_

_"Huh?" Cynthia asked. Then she smiled. "Did you…not entirely read my mind?"_

_Now Lucian was the one puzzled. "I didn't want to be rude…"_

_Cynthia laughed. "Don't worry, you've got my permission."_

* * *

So that's the moral of the story!? It's okay to invade people's privacy to find out valuable information!? Was this written by an NSA agent?

* * *

_He saw Cynthia finding the Metagross, Cynthia challenging the Metagross, and then Cynthia engaged in a intense battle with the blue metal monster. He saw her throw Pokeball after Pokeball at the metal beast, and the Metagross breaking out of each one. _

_Then the fighting stopped, the two sides staring each other down. Cynthia flung something at the Metagross, but it wasn't a Pokeball. It was a handful of small red berries._

_Metagross eagerly, almost desperately, gobbled them up. It looked back up to Cynthia nearly expectantly. _

"_You have a hard life here, don't you Metagross?" said Cynthia, looking sad. "The resources are scarce, few Pokemon here are edible for you, and then there's Kyurem…"_

_Metagross seemed to shudder at the mention of the ice dragon, the legend notorious for eating both Pokemon and people._

_Cynthia smiled. "But, if you come with me…"_

Lucian snapped out of his vision. "That was all you had to do?"

"Uh-huh," Cynthia replied cheerfully. "Metagross is aggressive because it had to be to survive in the Giant Chasm. It's greedy and possessive about food because it's used to not knowing when its next meal will come."

_So that was why it reacted so extremely when I refused it lunch before_, though Lucian. _It thought I was going to stop feeding it altogether, and it would starve. So it made sure to get my attention by wrecking my books and my room…_

* * *

For someone who claims to be an intellectual, you didn't really think of everything did you? But, in his defense, I doubt he had a lot of patience due to Metagross' antagonizing.

* * *

_"So if you just keep giving it lots of food and attention, I'm sure it will warm up to you eventually. Oh, and Cheri Berries. It loves spicy stuff like that." Cynthia explained. She then turned to Metagross. "And Metagross, you need to treat your Trainer and your teammates with respect. Lucian can be a harsh Trainer, but that's only so you can get stronger. You don't have to live in fear anymore, because Lucian will take good care of you."_

_Lucian and Metagross exchanged glances and thoughts._

_"So," Lucian eventually said. "Let's try this again…"_

_IIIIII_

_It turned out that Cynthia was right, as she usually was._

_As Lucian and Metagross took out challenger after challenger with perfect coordination, it seemed like there was never a time when they didn't work together._

_Metagross was the best birthday present ever._

* * *

And that concludes this story. So what is my Judgment? It was good. While I certainly didn't hold back, this story is about conflict, not careful discussion so it certainly played it's role well. The writing was good, it certainly flowed well and it actually read like an episode of Pokémon (although age doesn't seem to have any affect on characters). Now if you excuse me, I believe someone is at the door.


	8. Comedic Scene- 3

**Arceus the Critic by Imperator Justinian**

Arceus quickly made his way out of his chamber, mentally opening the doors separating it from the Grand Hall. He then went pass his throne, hovered through the column filled chamber and down the marble steps to the foyer, staring at the bronze doors separating him from whoever was on the other side. He didn't really have time to contemplate who it was though, being as the being refused to stop knocking, giving Arceus both a headache and a good idea at to who it was.

He mentally opened the doors and peered outside, seeing it was none other than the hyperactive ball of fur; Mew. Unfortunately for him, Mew had failed to realize that the doors had opened, being as she was too focused banging on them, and when Arceus stuck his head outside she gave him a few good knocks to the head before realizing her mistake.

"Sorry..." was all the pink feline had to say. Arceus just sighed.

"What are you doing here Mew? I sent you to Justinian so he could teach you some sense of responsibility, and I doubt he would let you wander off on your own."

"About that..."

* * *

At the Blachernae in Constantinople:

"Imperator! Mew has disappeared!" Justinian, dressed in his full imperial regalia and situated on his own marble throne looked at the Praetorian who had brought him the news. He then slumped back in his throne, put his hand over his face and let the news sink in.

"..."

"Sir?" asked the soldier, waiting for his leader's next command. The Emperor then removed his hand from his face and readjusted himself so he was sitting upright.

"Oh, thank the lord!" Justinian exclaimed, feeling a wave of relief wash over him.

"Sir?" asked the soldier once more, now more confused than worried.

"Even my friendship with Arceus has its limits. One more day with that Pokémon and you might be addressing someone else as Imperator." explained the brown haired man.

"So I take it that you do not want a search party to be sent?" stated the Praetorian.

"That would be correct. Mew most likely went to Arceus; she is his responsibility once more."

* * *

"You are going back Mew," ordered Arceus.

"No! Please!" exclaimed Mew, getting down on her knees and putting her paws in front of her. "He made me spend half of the day reading! READING! And he wouldn't let me eat anything with sugar!"

"Sounds like he did his job well..." muttered Arceus. Fortunately, Mew was to busy ranting about the 'atrocities' that she had endured under Justinian tutelage to notice Arceus' remark, or that his headache was worsening. Frustrated, Irritated, and in need of some peace and quite, Arceus decided to stop Mew's rambling.

"VERY WELL! You may stay here. But please stay quite and leave me be for some time." Arceus then went back into the hall, followed by an ecstatic Mew. Leaving Mew in the Grand Hall to play with the board game that had still not been collected, he went back to his chambers to rest. After Arceus had situated himself and felt himself drifting off, one thought crossed his mind; "_What have I just done?_"

* * *

Mew was bored. Monopoly was no fun when you are the only one playing (as irony would dictate) and now she wandered around the hall searching for anything else to do. While normally Mew would just bug Arceus, she didn't feel like pushing her luck right now. So she was currently roaming around the palace she helped to rebuild (begrudgingly) looking for anything to do. As she turned a corner, a smell she knew all to well hit her nostrils; food.

She ran into the room that radiated the scents of all sorts of foods, ranging from common berries to exquisite spices, and hungrily gazed around the surfaces where said foods were stored, taking all of it in. Hovering over to a nearby island counter, she reached in and pulled out an Oran Berry and took a bite. She then discarded it, deciding that it had become to ripe, and then went over to a door at the end of the room. Opening it, she found herself in Arceus' pantry, and immediately started looking around for the sugar. After a few minutes she realized that her search was in vain and that Arceus had hidden the cooking material well, so she decided to settle for the brownie mix situated on a nearby shelf.

She then placed the box on a nearby counter, flew up to a shelf and pulled out a pan. She then placed it down next to the box of mix.

"How much should I use... Eh, I think the whole box will be enough." she then ripped off the top and poured the mix into the pan, filling it to the brim. She then ran over to the sink, retrieved a measuring cup from underneath, proceeded to fill it up with the necessary amount of water and poured it into the pan.

"What next? Cook for forty-five minutes at one-hundred degrees Fahrenheit. So if it takes forty-five minutes at one-hundred degrees, then it should only take fifteen minutes at three-hundred degrees!" exclaimed Mew. Placing the pan in the nearby oven, then setting the desired time and degrees, she quickly floated out of the room.

"So... I have fifteen minutes to kill... What next?" Mew then paused mid-flight and seemed to ponder that statement for a moment. "Well, Arceus told me to not bug him, but he didn't say anything against inviting people over..." with that Mew flew off in an unknown direction.

* * *

Arceus thrashed about in his sleep, appearing to be fighting off or chasing something all the whilst muttering incoherent gibberish.

"No... Mew... Don't Touch... Stay Away... From..." With that he fell back into a frenzy, as if he was having a seizure.

* * *

Mew hurried out of the kitchen holding a candy bar, most of which was smeared on the corners of her mouth, and quickly made her way into the Grand Hall. Floating down to the bronze doors, she opened them (with great difficulty) revealing Celebi, Victini, Manaphy, and Shaymin.

"Uh... Mew... you got a little something here..." said Celebi rather hesitantly, gesturing to the face in general.

"Huh?" Mew then licked the sides of her mouth, and tasting the chocolate that was smeared there used her tongue to eat the rest of it, much to the disgust of her "guests". "Thanks. So how did you get here so quickly?" Celebi just slapped his face at the question.

"Mew, you are forgetting that half of us can teleport." said Celebi in a manner reminiscent of a parent explaining something obvious to a child.

"Oh right! How could I forget?" Mew asked herself. "Would have been very useful a few days ago..." she muttered under her breath. Mew then looked up at the gathered legendary Pokemon and then furrowed her brow. "Hey, where's Jirachi?"

"He told me to tell you that, quote on quote, He would have no part in another one of your harebrained schemes and would rather sleep for another millennia before doing so." replied Celebi.

"His loss, C'mon in!" with that the younger legendaries poured into the hall, save Shaymin who appeared nervous.

"Mew, are you sure that it's okay with Arceus if we have a party here?" asked the Gratitude Pokemon.

"I guess you could say that..." replied Mew vaguely. While Shaymin didn't appear to be satisfied by the answer, she entered the hall nonetheless and joined in with the other legendaries merriment.

* * *

Over the course of a few minutes, and a large amount of sugary treats, Mew's "Party" had trashed the grand hall and many of the surrounding hallways and rooms. Currently the five were in a room, chasing each other around with cushions and pillows allocated from a nearby couch, with the exception of Shaymin, who wasn't all to fond of getting hit in the face. Suddenly Celebi stopped in his tracks, causing Victini who was running behind him to hit the Pokémon and fall down, and started sniffing.

"Hey... do you guys smell something burning?" while everyone in the room was momentarily confused by the question, a light bulb quickly went off in Mew's head.

"OH NO! MY BROWNIES!" shouted Mew, who then quickly ran out of the room. Moments later the four could hear an explosion of some sort, followed by a blackened Mew floating back into the room, holding a blackened tray of brownies.

"Bon... Appetite..." said Mew, who then coughed up a small could of smoke.

"MEW!" shouted a voice that could be clearly defined as Arceus'. At the sound of that overpowering voice, Mew dropped the tray and quickly sped out of the room, followed by a blur of white and gold. Celebi then looked down at the tray of brownies, reached down and grabbed a piece.

"Not Bad..." he muttered.


	9. It's My Choice

**Arceus the Critic by Imperator Justinian**

**Episode Six**

**It's My Choice by thechinskyguy**

Hi everyone, it's me Mew! If your wondering why Arceus is letting me do another review, he's recovering from a knock to the noggin, and wanted me to fill in (at least that's what I think he said). However he left me instructions to review a request; It's my Choice by thechinskyguy (yes he does take requests) so that's what I'm going to review today. That and the fact that it's a suspense story so it fits in with Halloween.

* * *

_"Why Team Plasma wanted us is beyond me. My friends and I broke off ties with Team Plasma years ago, to become trainers. All I know now is that they came for them, and now they're coming for me. And they won't allow me the pleasure of a tomorrow." _

* * *

Well, you abandoned Team Plasma, you probably knew what their plans really were and you became the very thing they hated. I don't see why they would be after you either.

* * *

_I look up toward Anville Town. My final destination. Sighing at the thought of having to run for my life for another quarter mile, as I am already exhausted to the point of collapse, I suck it up and sprint until I've reached the edge of the city._

_It was always a relatively small town; not a lot of activity or people, except on the weekends, when trainers would visit from other towns. Tonight, a Monday night, will be different; the entire city would be abuzz the whole night. But not for the usual reasons._

_The Plasmas won't be in the city yet, but I don't risk going into town. Besides, my home is right on the edge of the city limits. I jog along Anville's edge for another half mile until I'm home. The two-story, brick house blends in with the darkness of the night; none of the lights are on. I edge toward the sliding back door of my house and walk in._

_"Mom?" I whisper. "Mom? Laura? You here?"_

* * *

Of course they're there, they just turned off the lights because they love reading in the dark.

* * *

_No answer. On the kitchen table I spot a note that's weighed down by the salt shaker:_

_Hector,_

_Laura and I left, like you told us to. You were pretty secretive about exactly what's going on, so I didn't write where we went, just in case. Call my cell when you sort everything out. Please be careful; if you're in trouble, call me and I'll help in any way that I can._

_Love, Mom_

_P.S. Laura said goodbye, too. I'm not telling her anything._

_I sigh in relief, for I realize that my mother and younger sister received my voicemail from earlier, the one that I left hurriedly before destroying my phone. Knowing that they've left before it hits the fan is one less thing to worry about before the Plasmas come for me._

_And yet it takes all of my willpower not to cry upon reading her note. It kills me that she's worried, yet she will never know how serious this is until it's far too late. I think about calling her, to say goodbye before it happens, but I dismiss the thought. There won't be enough time for that. Instead, I crumple up my mother's last words and stuff it in my front pocket._

_I take off my shoes, leaving me with nothing on my feet. I stand in the kitchen, expecting them to come any minute, but they never do. This makes me restless; I know that they're coming; it's just a matter of when. I drum my fingers on the countertops, making little round dots of blood on the oak table._

* * *

I can empathize. If they are going to kill you, the least they can do is be on time (like Arceus). But why did you have to take off your shoes?

* * *

_On a whim, I walk up the creaky stairwell and up to my bedroom. Fourteen hours earlier, I had woken up fully unaware of the fact that I wouldn't wake up again. A lot can happen in fourteen hours. That much I learned today._

_Once there, I caress my linen sheets, the ones that kept me oh-so warm during the bitter winters. Something about their texture reminds me of youth. How precious it is, how easily it disappears._

_Why I think this, I don't know. Then again, there's a lot that I don't know._

_It's not the texture of the sheets that keeps me in the room, but my nightstand. Better yet, it's what's on my nightstand that's so alluring. I grasp the picture frame with trembling hands. In this picture is a younger me and my Riolu, who's a Lucario now, beaming brightly into the camera. At my sides are my two friends, Walter and Ana, also grinning brightly with their pokémon. The picture was taken two years ago, when we went to Nimbasa for a day._

_I can't help but feel emotional as I stare longingly at the picture. Two years ago, even two days ago, we were happy, worry-free, and jovial._

_Now all we are is dead._

_Well, they are anyways. But I'm not far behind._

* * *

Wow... That's sad. I'm not the biggest fan of sad stories but that's just depressing. Maybe Arceus should have given me something else to review and save this one for himself, he'd probably be able to offer better insight into stuff like this. But it doesn't take Arceus to know that life isn't worth throwing away, even if you think you are going to die.

* * *

_The distant roar of a pokémon alerts me. I take a deep breath, knowing that my time has come, and walk toward my window. A dozen behemoths fly from the horizon toward my house. I can only make them out as specks, but even then I can see the Plasma grunts that man them. I recognize the wings of a Charizard, the grey ones of an Aerodactyl, but I'm unable to identify the other ones. The thought of how they will do it briefly flashes across my mind – my guess is that they'll bash my head open with Headbutt, or Cut me until I bleed out. Either way, it won't be pretty. "Pretty" isn't Team Plasma's forte._

* * *

Apparently "Subtle" isn't either.

* * *

_I walk out of my bedroom and jog down the stairs for the last time, leaving the frame behind. As I walk back into the kitchen, I glance out the window by the front door to see my death bringers drawing closer. Brushing the sight of them aside for now, I stride into the kitchen and open the sliding back door. I take a few steps out, allowing the cool, dewy grass to trickle my bare feet._

_Now I do what I knew had to be done. I put off doing it for as long as possible, but now I know that it's time. Either I do it now, or it never gets done._

_I pull from my pocket three Poké Balls and unclasp all of them. Out come my only surviving pokémon: Lucario, my partner pokémon, Servine, and Darumaka. Darumaka stands as the youngest member of my team, and I only now worry how he will fare on his own. But now's not the time to worry about that._

_"Things are about to get bad," I explain to them, "and I'm not gonna make it out."_

_At first, they don't know what I mean by that. Then they hear the roar of the approaching pokémon and they understand. Even though I've told them almost nothing about what happened, somehow they know._

_Lucario bares his teeth, but I put my hand on his shoulder to calm him. "No," I tell him, "there's no point in fighting. They'll kill you too if they get the chance. But I won't let that happen." I then throw the empty Poké Balls at my feet and, in one swift move, stomp them to bits. The official sign that marks the release of my pokémon._

* * *

I don't think that that is the "official" way to release a Pokémon. If you live through this maybe you could ask Paul, he seems to be experienced in releasing Pokémon. Besides, when Ash broke Snorlax's Pokéball it still belonged to him.

* * *

_They look shocked, and Darumaka starts to whimper. I, however, remain stoic as I say, "You need to go. Run into the backwoods, and don't stop until you're out of sight of the house."_

_Servine gives me a look that says, "Why can't you come with us?" In reality, I could run away with them. But that would only delay the inevitable._

_"They'd still find us eventually," I explain, "and they'll kill you, too."_

_I turn now to Lucario. "You're in charge of these two, okay? Make sure that they stay safe."_

_Lucario puts his paw on my shoulder and nods._

_"Good," I say. "Now get going. I love you."_

* * *

What a sweet moment before the "inevitable".

* * *

_Lucario nods again and, scooping up Darumaka, starts running into the dense foliage of the backwoods, with Servine following close behind._

_It's funny, really. I always thought that I'd tear up when I parted with my pokémon. But now, when it's actually happening, I don't feel a thing._

_Maybe it's the thought of my imminent death that's doing it, or the thought that they'll be safe. Maybe there's no thought to it._

_Maybe it's all of the above._

* * *

You just told someone that you love them and can't even bother to shed a few tears because you'll never see them again? That's colder than Kyurem.

* * *

_I turn around and walk back into the house. There's no point in shutting the sliding door, but I do it anyways. I sit down at the kitchen table and sigh, not out of resentment but of boredom. I continue to drum my fingers on the table, since there's nothing else to do. There's at least a whole minute before they reach me, a whole minute to reflect. On what? Life. Memories. Sappy stuff like that._

* * *

Yah, you know the unimportant stuff like family, friends, and life in general.

* * *

_The growls from the enemy legion cease to grow louder, which means that they've reached me. I expect the door to come crashing down, for everything to just come crashing down all at once, but it doesn't. It never does. I can hear shouting outside; Plasma grunts, yelling for me to come on out._

_I don't move. If I go out there, they'll kill me anyways. I would rather die in my own home a coward than give in to them. I'm not sure why the urge to resist their demands overtakes me, but I don't question it now._

_The shouting continues, but nothing happens. For a group of people that want to waste me, they're not afraid to take their time._

_I hear the churning of fire outside, and I realize what it is just as the fireball makes impact with the house. The living room bursts into flames, and I am swept off of my feet. I make a hard landing on the tiled floor of the kitchen, but I shake it off and stand back up, knowing that the worst is yet to come._

_Two more fireballs hit, both of them upstairs. Of all the ways to die, I think, they just had to use fire. And here, this whole time, I had hoped for a quick death._

_I can feel the heat, the excruciating heat that envelops me. By the sound of it, the entire house could collapse any second. A fireball bursts through the wall a few feet from where I stand and strikes my leg. I'm down in an instant, the pain becoming more real, more tangible._

_Dense smoke invades the air, fills every precipice in my body. Breathing becomes next to impossible, and my eyes sting and water. The pain in my leg is unbearable; it burns and sizzles and oozes blood. I can't see it, but I'm positive that fire is brushing up against my body, as the heat intensifies exponentially._

_It literally feels like hell on earth._

* * *

Any more vibrant and descriptive details about you death you want to share? I understand that it was trying to create sympathy for the character, but it's a little too descriptive.

* * *

_Even thinking becomes a hassle. As much as I'd like now to try and save myself, I probably couldn't. I try to think of my late friends, of my family, of myself, but I can't. Nothing comes to mind as all I know and feel is pain and burning and…_

* * *

Where was this desire to live about ten minutes ago? You seemed so determined to face your death here and now your having second thoughts!? Besides, I thought life was "sappy stuff".

* * *

_The roof under the living room collapses with a great roar. Through the smoke I can just see the backwoods behind my house. I can make out the wild pokémon, fleeing from the scene. But there's one pokémon, a Braviary, that is perched under a neighboring tree, watching me. He doesn't speak, but his deep, glaring eyes send a message that I understand promptly:_

_"Climb on my back and we can fly out of here, or just stay here and die. Your choice."_

_I do not recognize the Braviary. No one I know owns one. Naturally, I don't know why it wants to risk its life to help me._

_Before I can decide whether to go with him or not, the fireballs that were pelting my house suddenly stop. No rhyme nor reason to it, they simply stop all at once._

_"Hector!" A voice calls out. I immediately recognize it as that of my former superior, Gilderoy. He runs quite a large sector of Team Plasma, and he's the highest ranked executive, apart from Ghetsis and a few others that I can't remember._

_"What you did to us was your choice!" He shouts. "But you know what? We're gonna give you another choice. You can give yourself up, and you'll get to live without any major harm, or you can just let yourself die in your crumbling home."_

* * *

What did Hector do to deserve this anyways? Was just leaving enough to warrant death? Last time I checked Team Rocket was based off the mafia, not Team Plasma.

* * *

_At that moment, another fireball hits the front door, paving a clear path between me and the Plasmas. I look back to the Braviary, who is still silently beckoning me to freedom. So now there are three choices: surrender myself to Gilderoy and hope they don't kill me, run toward the Braviary and make a daring escape, or stay where I am and die._

_I'm seriously considering death; what is there to live for at this point? My friends are dead, my pokémon are gone. But at the same time the thought of being allowed to live, whether it be by Braviary or by the Plasmas, sounds deliciously tempting. My leg would make it hard to get out of the house. Hard, but not impossible. It's better than being in a burning house, anyways. "It's my choice," I think, "in the end, it's my choice." _

_Choices. I realize now that everything that's led up to this, from leaving Team Plasma to unknowingly angering them to allowing myself to stay in the burning house, it was all because of my choices. This whole time I thought that it just happened for no reason, that Team Plasma was out for me simply because they could. But no, all of this is happening because of the choices that I chose to make._

_But now I must make one last choice. Flee. Surrender. Die._

_It's my choice._

_The house is devoid of life by the time it collapses._

* * *

Well that ends this story, which probably leaves more questions than answers. So what's my opinion on this story? It sad but good. Arceus said I should read it because it talks about how actions have consequences, and I think I understand to not anger Team Plasma now. Arceus on the other hand is still game. Well, that finishes it for this review, now I have to go get ready to go Trick-or-Treating. It's the one time of the year people see me as Mew and their first reaction isn't throwing Pokéballs but telling me I have an incredible costume. Well, Bye!


	10. Comedic Scene- 4

**Arceus the Critic by Imperator Justinian**

At the Blachernae in Constantinople:

Justinian, dressed in his full imperial regalia, was currently seated on his throne, was looking over the vast amount of characters that occupied his Halloween decorated throne room. While Justinian did not celebrate Halloween, the members of his community had requested a Halloween party. So he acquiesced, albeit reluctantly, although part of him thought it would be an excellent excuse to consume a grotesque amount of sugary treats. He would not admit it to anyone, but he did have a sweet tooth that rivaled Mew's.

Picking up a peppermint from a bowl seated on the armrest on his marble throne, he undid the plastic wrapping while gazing around at his guests. Most were either talking amongst themselves or enjoying the treats that his cooks had worked so hard to prepare. Putting the candy in his mouth he noticed that one of his guests, CamCon, a small Riolu who was wearing a pumpkin mask, was doing what he could to try to get one of his Praetorians to break his stoic expression. He just chuckled to himself, amused at the younger authors antics.

"Hey, Justinian." the voice snapped him out of his train of thought, and he looked down to find that a Mismagius had made his way up to his throne.

"Yes Grool?" Mr. Grool furrowed his brow slightly, it was rather irritating how Justinian never addressed him as "Mr.". He was pretty sure he was older than the man, he was a ghost Pokémon after all. Besides, how old could he be? Thirty Four? Thirty Five? Regardless, he shrugged it off, not letting something petty get the better of him and readdressed the Emperor.

"Have you seen Matthias? I need to ask him something." the question seemed to put Justinian into thought, but as soon as it began it ended.

"Yes, he said that he would not be able to make it... I believe he said something about "Catching Mew".

* * *

"NO! I don't want to be caught!" shouted Mew to her pursuer.

"Don't worry I'll give you a lot of liberty." replied a mouse who then threw a Master Ball. Mew managed to dodge it while Matthias ran to pick up the downed device.

"I have a lot of candy." said the mouse in a last ditch effort.

"So do I!" shouted Mew, holding up a pillowcase filled with treats. Matthias then threw the ball again but Mew swung the pillowcase, sending it back at him and hitting him on his head. While Matthias was looking around for the extremely rare piece of equipment, Mew took the chance to escape.

* * *

"I am sure that it is nothing to be worried over." stated Justinian. Grool then floated off, and passed by someone dressed like the Ghost of Christmas Future.

"Nice Costume." Grool complimented. The participant then turned around revealing him to be Jack Storm.

"What do you mean costume? This is how I normally dress." Mr. Grool then berated for not realizing who the person was before his slip of the tongue. Before the ghost was able to apologize however a loud cry went out.

"GET IT AWAY!" shouted out the definable voice of Aura Wielder.

"It's just a Shaymin shaped cookie Aura." replied another Lucario, Fictionary Man.

"Exactly!" Aura Wielder then took his key shaped sword and brought it down of the sugar cookie that the other Lucario was holding, smashing it to pieces. When he was done he looked around and realized that his outburst had attracted the attention of the other party goers.

"Eh... Sorry everyone." replied the Lucario sheepishly. Justinian just sighed. This was going to be a long night...


	11. Confessions of a Male Gardevoir

**Arceus the Critic by Imperator Justinian**

**Episode Seven**

**Confessions of a Male Gardevoir by Coli Chibi**

Greetings, today I will be reviewing Confessions of a Male Gardevoir by Coli Chibi. Now before I start the review, I simply wish to clarify that this is not, and I repeat not, a romance story. So with that done let us begin.

* * *

_Hey. How you doing?_

_This is where I sit, right?_

_Yeah, thanks... Glad to be here. You mind if I smoke? Thanks._

_Hooo, boy... So, you wanna know about me, right? This documentary thing... You want to know what it's like... bein' me?_

_Alright. Don't say I didn't warn you._

* * *

But you didn't. You just lit a cigarette and clarified the reason I'm reading this.

* * *

_Hi. My name is Garland, but you can call me Gar for short. I'm a Gardevoir, and yes, I'm a male. A man. A guy. So, you all want to know about me, and how it is to be so friggin' girly lookin' and be a friggin' dude. Alright, lemme start from the beginning._

_I was born to mixed family. Mom was a Gardevoir, and Pops was a Wobbuffet - yeah, weird, I know. Well, they got married in summer, y'know, June wedding, lovely little get together at the church, big white cake with the little figurines at the top, y'know, the whole deal._

_Well, I was born in late autumn. My parents were a bit surprised that I was a boy. But, you know what, they were real happy with it. They named me, and took me home, and they sent me to preschool. You know, being a Ralts wasn't bad at all. Yeah, I was a little cutesy for a boy, but you know what? Flippin' Pichu, man. Look at 'em._

_So, like I said, being a Ralts wasn't that bad. I didn't have to deal with anything really horrible as a kid, just the usual stuff. You know, not wanting to share, the occasional bully, the usual. Family life was pretty good too. I got a little sister when I was two, named Lily. My parents weren't really rich, and sometimes the money was tight, but life was pretty okay. We were kinda poor, but not broke. We were a family, and we were happy. We did all the usual family stuff, we had a game night where we ordered pizza, we went on outings to play baseball in the park, all that stuff._

* * *

Is the setting 1990's America? Still the family aspect is portrayed well.

* * *

_When I was ten, I evolved into a Kirlia_

_It just happened one day. I didn't really mean for it to happen. I was just walkin' around the neighborhood, when poof, you're a Kirlia now. I was just... wow. I couldn't believe it. I looked like a freakin' girl. I knew it, my parents knew it, and boy, did the kids at school ever know it. They didn't let me forget it, either. I went from being this okay guy in school, not really popular but not really disliked, to the absolute bottom of the frickin' food chain. I did everything I could think of to change - I cut my hair, but it always grew back looking as girly as before, I tried to deepen my voice, but that failed, and it gave a sore throat, and I even tried wearing a shirt that said that I was a boy. None of it worked, and I hated it._

* * *

Maybe the fact you were wearing a dress was one of the problems.

* * *

_It was torture. The girls made fun of me, the boys made fun of me - I... I hated it! I mean..._

_Whooh... Alright, gimme a minute to cool down..._

_Alright, alright, I'm good._

_So, yeah, I hated school. Pretty much everyone was against me. I didn't think I'd make it through fourth grade, but it turns out, I didn't have to. I got into a fight one day. These guys, I don't remember their names, and I don't give a hoot, were pickin' on me, and I got ticked, naturally. So, I punched on of them, they punched me, and, well, there were three of them, and one of me, so I got the pulp beaten out of me. So, I got by butt kicked. It was in the papers, for Pete's sake. Those brats got themselves expelled or something, and my Mom took me out of that school, and I spent the rest of my young life home-schooled, along with my sister. So, my mom quit her job as a waitress at some cafe and decided to teach Lily and me at home._

_Home-schooling can be awesome - it depends on the teacher. My mom was a good mom - she cared about her kids more than some job or social standing as a working woman. She needed her kids educated, and she did it herself._

* * *

Sounds like your mother is a wonderful woman. Besides, homeschooling is always better than a public school; at least when your the victim you don't get punished.

* * *

_Ahem, right. Okay, so, like I said, growing up was really hard for me. It's kinda hard being a Kirlia, y'know. But, it wasn't so bad at home. I mean, yeah there was no homecoming or prom, but really, why would I go to those at school? Who would go out with me?_

_So, one day it happened again. I was finished high-school, I was studying to go to college, while mom was teaching Lily high-school. One day, I was exercising in my room, just lifting some weights, when I evolved again. I couldn't stop myself... it just, kinda, happened. So, I was a Gardevoir, and boy did it suck._

* * *

Why did you not just purchase a Dawn stone?

* * *

_Eh? What's that? Why didn't I just buy a Dawn Stone?_

* * *

Yes, that is what I said.

* * *

_Were you paying attention at all?! Didn't I say my family wasn't rich, in fact we were kind of poor! My Pops worked as a frickin' punching bag! No, really! He was a Wobbuffet! He went to the gym every weekday, sat there, and let some macho fighting type beat him for a livin'! That was his job! He got paid ten bucks an hour plus extra for any black eyes. I got to see Pops get home every day, covered in blood and bruises, and he'd sit down on the couch and ask Mom to go and get some frozen veggies that he could put on his face to ease the pain. I mean, I remember some kid at school, a Tyrogue, I don't remember his name, was talkin' about how his dad was a boxer, and how hard it was for him to see his dad come home all bruised, and, yeah, I get that, but at least his dad got to actually freakin' hit back! My Pop, he stood there and took it - to feed my family! Oh, and here you are askin' about why I didn't buy a freakin' Dawn Stone?!_

_...Sorry, right. Sorry. Didn't mean to blow up on you. You can edit out the rage part if you want._

* * *

I think I will keep it.

* * *

_Whew... Oh, yeah. Thanks Pops. I really appreciate you getting beaten to make a living for us. I love ya._

_Okay, right, I was a Gardevoir. Now, bein' a Gardevoir is where everything really went downhill. You see, that meant I was a young adult at the time, and that I was also, well, legal, if you catch my drift._

* * *

No not exactly. I did not think Pokémon had age laws, let alone cameras.

* * *

_So, yeah, I got harassed. I'd be workin' at my part-time job at the local fast food place, when some jerk from the football team would ask me out, and I had to speak - in my very, very male voice -_

* * *

I am sorry you stated that you had a "very, very male voice"? Perhaps I should replay a certain statement.

* * *

_I tried to deepen my voice, but that failed, and it gave a sore throat_

* * *

_Well, you can imagine how that went. Sometimes when I was just frickin' walkin' down the street on my way home, some jerk would pinch me! I'm not even jokin'! He'd frickin' pinch me. So, I took some self-defense classes, and if someone touched me, I'd touch them back, and I'd touch those jerks harder._

_Ough... I need a drink._

* * *

Bourbon or Champagne? Although you seem more like a Budweiser Pokémon to me.

* * *

_Right, back to your film... So, yeah. That's why I'm a Gardevoir. My parents couldn't afford a Dawn Stone, and my evolution was just unexpected. But, you know, it's not that bad. I mean, Gallade kinda looks girly too, right? Yeah, it does._

* * *

Yes Garland, a Pokémon with blades coming out of it's arms looks girly.

* * *

_It's... hard, yeah. But, I had my family supporting me, so it wasn't so bad._

_So, any questions?_

* * *

Yes. What is the point of all of this exactly?

* * *

_Where's my family now?_

* * *

No that's-

* * *

_Alright, let's see, Pop and Mom still live in our hometown. Dad's retired from being a punching bag - he was gettin' a bit too old for it, and the gym didn't want to see him get hurt anymore._

* * *

Of course that didn't stop them all those years ago.

* * *

_He's started workin' at a local hobby shop with one of his buddies. Mom's into dancing..._

* * *

Eh...

* * *

_No, not that kind of dancing! Get your frickin' mind out of the gutter! She's teaching ballet and ballroom at a local dance academy!_

_Right, right, it's okay. I know you didn't mean it._

_Uh, Lily, my sister, she evolved into a Gardevoir too, and she's currently in college. We all get together for Christmas and New Year at my place. We're kinda apart yeah, but we talk a lot on the phone, and we always find some time to visit. I love them, and they love me back, so we're still a family._

* * *

Family is still family, even If you occasionally wished they weren't. Even when I nearly kill my sons in a fit of unbridled fury, I'm still their father. And even when they nearly kill each other and nearly destroy the world in the process they are still my sons. Either way I still love them.

* * *

_What do I do for a living? I work at a department store. I work in the sales department, but I also sometimes help with stocking, you know, grabbing heavy boxes, lifting them, putting them where they need to go, that sort of thing._

* * *

A lady ought not to do heavy lifting. You on the other hand...

* * *

_The pay is pretty good, and the work place is alright. Sometimes there's that jerk who thinks it's funny that I look and sound the way I do, but I've learned to live with it._

_Listen... there are jerks out there. There are probably more jerks than there are nice guys. You gotta learn to live with it._

_Alright, any more questions?_

* * *

Yes, back to my original question, what's this all about?

* * *

_What's my life like now? Alright, I wake up at about five, I shower, I eat some eggs for breakfast, and at eight I go to work. I spend my lunch break with a few friends of mine, and at five I go home. I call Mom and Pops and ask how their day went, and then I call Lily and ask her the same thing. Then I make my dinner, or I order take out if I need groceries, and then I watch whatever's on TV until I head to bed. On Saturdays and Sundays I usually have the day off. On Saturday I do my grocery shopping, usually dinners that are easy to make. I'm not a very good cook. I usually spend the rest of the day hanging out with my friends. On Sundays, I go to church, and usually just spend the day doing whatever - if a friend of mine wants to go out for drinks, I'll go, I guess. Usually I have nothing better to do._

* * *

Evidently.

* * *

_Alright, uh, next question._

* * *

I'm not even going to bother.

* * *

_Do I get stereotyped often? Yeah, I do. First off, you know, I look like a frickin' girl, you know about that part, so sometimes people think I'm a woman without really askin' me. But that's not all. I'm a Gardevoir, you know. I'm a real classy lookin' Pokemon. My mom was a real classy woman too, she's polite, humble, all that great stuff. However, I took after my Pop... So, I don't really act like you'd expect a Gardevoir to act. I mean, you're hearin' me speak right now, right? You're hearing my regular voice - this is how I talk every day._

* * *

Like you just came from the Jersey Shore?

* * *

_There are other stereotypes too, though - Gardevoir all are graceful dancers, Gardevoir all have well payin' jobs, and Gardevoir don't smoke... well, you can see that one is pretty fake right now, can't you?_

_*Poof*_

_Yeah, sometimes I get stereotyped, but I'm learnin' to live with it._

_Alright, what's next?_

_You want to know about my friends? Well, alright. First off is Fungi, he's a Parasect. He's a young guy, kinda shy but not bad company. He's quick with a joke-_

* * *

"And a light of your smoke, but there's some place he'd rather be-"

MEW!

I am sorry about that.

* * *

-_and quick to give you a hand if you're in trouble. Not a bad guy, you'd like him._

_Uh, next is Strings. He's an Ariados I know. He doesn't work at the super-market, he works at some coffee place, playing a guitar for his paycheck. He's a nice guy, but a little gloomy sometimes - likes to keep to himself mostly, but he always says hi when you say hi to him. He's goin' back to church now, so I think there's hope. He's a pretty good guy._

_Next is Grunge, he's a Grimer._

* * *

Hopefully you will introduce the idiot who gave them these names next.

* * *

_He works in stocking, but just the unloading part. He doesn't smell really great, and he leaves a trail of slime sometimes, which can be a real nightmare for the janitor. Despite the way he smells, he a really good guy. He's good with kids, charitable with his money... He can be a little clueless, but he's that likable kind of clueless. I think he has a thing for my sister - he met her when my family came down for Christmas, and he's always askin' about her... Wait a minute, you'd better edit that part out! He'd kill me._

* * *

What's he going to do, slime you to death?

* * *

_Thanks, thanks. Alright, anyway, I usually meet my friends at their workplace. I work with Grunge and Fungi almost every day, and I see Strings whenever I go to the coffee house, always strummin' away up there. We all meet at my place on Saturday for poker night. I supply the house, they supply the snacks. It's real fun. You should join in some time._

_Anything else?_

_Do I have a girlfriend? Why, you interested?_

* * *

No thank you, but I'm flattered. Besides, unlike you, I have no physical gender.

* * *

_Well, no, I don't, and I never did. I mean, there were some pretty girls at school, some pretty girls at college, and some really pretty girls who work at the department store today. I've just never been able to ask any of them. I mean, would you date someone who looks more feminine than you?_

_Alright, look, it's about six, and I gotta get home soon. One more question, 'kay?_

_...If I could go back in time and change my species and prevent any of the bullying or sexual harassment from happening to me, would I do it?_

_..._

_You know what... If you asked me that a few years ago, I'd would have said yes. I hate people treating me like I'm some sort of gender confused homo freako. I hate people mistaking me for a woman and flirting with me. I hate spending time with people like that. But you know what? If I wasn't the way I was, I might be someone like that. Being a misfit has taught me somethin': respect everyone, even if they're different from you. I learned to respect other people if I want them to respect me just by bein' born a boy. And you know what else? I've got a family and friends who love and care about me, and all the jerks and harrasers, and stereotypers or whatever you call 'em can all go to hell for all I care. So you know what? I'm glad I'm the way I am. This is me, this is who I am, and I'm proud of that._

_...Well, it looks like that's all the time I have for today. Sorry, I gotta get home... Eh? Oh, no, thank you. This was nice enough. I really got to take a load of my chest._

* * *

Well, with that, that concludes this story. I am rather undecided on it, but I will say that it was well written. Now if you excuse me, I have other matters to attend to.


	12. Christmas This Year

**Arceus the Critic by Imperator Justinian**

**Episode Eight**

**Christmas This Year by Aura Wielder**

Greetings, I am Arceus the Critic, and (obviously) it is Christmas time. So I will be reviewing a Christmas themed story; Christmas this Year, written by one of the most notable Christian Writers on fanfiction; Aura Wielder. Well, without further ado let's start the review.

* * *

_It was a cold night. The harsh winter of Sinnoh had set in, and even the master of space Palkia found himself shivering, despite the fact that he prepared for the storm in advance. He slowly made his way through the streets of Jubilife City, passing by the Global Terminal on his way to the mall._

_"Man." he shuttered. "Out here is colder than even one of Articuno's storms! Certainly a feat in itself…"_

* * *

Another feat would be that my son, who happens to be thirteen feet tall, white and purple and makes the ground shake when he stomps, has managed to blend into one of the busiest cities in Sinnoh.

* * *

_At he expected, when he finally approached the mall, the place was absolutely PACKED with people. He saw people trying to barge into the mall through a swarmed entrance. He wasn't surprised, because after all, it WAS Christmas Eve. Palkia sighed, knowing that he would have to plow his way through all of these people. They were no doubt here trying to buy last-minute Christmas presents before the shops would close up. Much like Palkia himself._

* * *

What has happened to the art of preparation? Or time management for that matter?

* * *

_In his human forme, he had white-spiked hair and a white shirt, also sporting a heavy purple coat and blue jeans. He awkwardly made his way through the crowd, though it was made a little (emphasis on the little) easier for him due to some enhanced strength Legendaries had. It was still difficult, because Christmas Eve shoppers in Sinnoh had quite the reputation for going absolutely bananas. He stepped into the mall, embracing himself for the worst…_

* * *

To be fair to my mentally unbalanced region, Palkia has not yet experienced Black Friday Shoppers.

* * *

_The humungous mall, holding two stories and a plethora of shops, was overflowing with crazed shoppers. Palkia knew he had to be careful, because Legendaries in their human forme are weaker than their regular forme. With the way the Christmas Eve shoppers were going, Palkia knew he could become one of those people you hear about getting trampled to death._

_Palkia pushed his way through the crowd, trying to reach one of the stores on the other end of the mall. Of all places in the mall, it simply HAD to be on the other end, didn't it?_

* * *

Since that's where the author placed it, yes.

* * *

_He shifted awkwardly around people as he slowly made his way to the clock shop._

_"I need the perfect gift for her." thought Palkia. "She's had her eye on that diamond encrusted pocket watch for a while. I think I just barely have enough money for it…"_

_As he continued, a song began to play on the overhead speakers throughout the entire mall. Palkia had a hard time picking up the words, but he picked up a few tidbits about 'let the world rejoice for Christmas this year' and 'a savior born on a midnight clear'. Though, said song benefitted from an excellent tune._

* * *

Oh Good Heavens, not the cheesy Christmas music! Humans have a horrid tendency to continue to play the same Christmas songs like a broken record until they are seared in your head. And then when you've almost got it out of your head next year, they start playing it again, except earlier! I'm surprised the military has not tried to weaponize it yet.

* * *

_Eventually, the song died down and switched to a new one. Palkia ignored this one as he finally approached the clock shop. He looked through the store window and saw the exact item he was looking for. It was that diamond-encrusted pocket watch. Even though it only had ½ karat to its' name, it was still gorgeous (not to mention, it was all Palkia could afford)._

_"Dialga's gonna love it."_

* * *

Palkia buying something expensive for Dialga!? Who are you and what have you done to my son? Not that I'm complaining. But why even get a watch for Dialga? He's practically a moving clock!

* * *

_He walked into the shop, ready to bring that baby home. He approached the store clerk._

_"Yes, what can I do for you sir?"_

_"I'd like to purchase that diamond-encrusted clock you have in your store window. The ½ karat one."_

_"I'll get it out."_

_The store walked over to the store window and opened the glass case from the inside of the store. He took it out and showed it to Palkia._

_"This one?"_

* * *

No, one of the other diamond-encrusted pocket watches that happen to be in your window.

* * *

_"Yes." Palkia grinned. The store clerk came back and set the pocket watch on the glass counter, ready to exchange the money._

_"That'll be nine hundred and ninety-nine dollars, please." he requested politely._

_"Yes, of course. I…" Palkia stopped himself. "A THOUSAND DOLLARS?!" he screamed in shock over the high price. People took a few weird glances at him, but Palkia didn't care at the moment._

_"B-But that's impossible!" he flustered. "In your ad, it was HALF that!"_

_"Yes, well… this IS the only one left in Sinnoh. It's VERY valuable now."_

_"B-But… I-I don't have that money!" he started stuttering again._

_"Then I'm afraid I can't sell it to you."_

_"But… I…" Palkia sighed. He saved up the money he earned from Arceus doing various things for her all winter._

* * *

Her?

* * *

_her_

* * *

HER!? Do I look feminine!?

"Well..."

NOT a word, Mew.

* * *

_He had an idea._

* * *

Does it involve something illegal?

* * *

_"Could you hold onto that for me for a minute?" Palkia requested the store clerk._

_"Sure."_

_Palkia stepped away from the store clerk and made his way to the small clock shop's only bathroom. He locked himself in. Closing his eyes, he morphed his left hand back into a sharp claw and his right shoulder back into the single pink pearl-encrusted in a gray rim._

_He hesitated. "Should I really do this?" he questioned himself. "…Yes. I worked this hard and I'm not about to let it go by. She deserves this much."_

_He moved his claw up to his right shoulder. Cautiously, he inserted his sharp claw into the gray rim that held his encrusted pearl. He slowly reached past the pearl and grasped his claw around the entire pearl. He tried to pull it out with 1 hard tug, but the pain of it was immense and left him wincing in pain. The pearl was slightly shifted though, indicating that at least he was getting somewhere._

_He tried a second hard tug. This time the pearl became even looser, but Palkia screamed in pain. The pain in his shoulder was comparable to having your shoulder blade yanked out. He knew that one more tug would free the pearl and would get him Dialga's present._

_"Sir?" someone asked on the other side of the locked bathroom door. "Are you OK? I heard your screaming and…"_

_"No!" he lied. "I'm fine. Just slipped and fell that's all."_

_"…OK."_

* * *

OK!? Yeah, I just slipped and possibly broke my legs or back, but no need to worry.

* * *

_Palkia heard the footsteps of the man leaving. He sighed in relief, almost having been found out. He placed his claw back into the gray rim, and yanked as hard as possible to get the pearl out. It came out, with some of the pearl covered in blood._

* * *

"I think I'm going to be sick..."

Not on the floors Mew! Go in the-

"Ugh... To late..."

If you will excuse me for a few minutes...

* * *

_He resisted the urge to scream out in complete torture. Succeeding, he switched his right shoulder and left claw back into human forme to hide the injury. He wiped the blood off of the pearl and came out of the restroom, holding his shoulder._

_He walked back to the clerk and talked to him. "Umm, Mr. Clerk?"_

_"Yes?"_

_"I… don't have the money, but… will you accept this pearl?" he showed the pearl to the clerk. The clerk, in awe, observed the shining flawless pearl._

* * *

Yes, will you accept this enormous pearl that I somehow found in the bathroom?

* * *

_"My goodness…" he whispered. "This pearl… is absolutely incredible. It's perfect."_

_"So, you'll take it?" smiled a hopeful Palkia._

_"But of course!" the store clerk switched the diamond-encrusted pocket watch for Palkia's pearl. After the trade, Palkia walked out of the store._

_"Sure," he thought. "I had to trade part of my own flesh for Dialga's gift, but it's all worth it… right?"_

* * *

Unless if the author decides otherwise, yes.

* * *

_Elsewhere in the mall…_

_Dialga made her way through the mall, also in a human forme in order to avoid attracting obvious attention. She carefully dodged stray shoppers still searching for the Christmas bargains while making her way to a nearby GameStop. Palkia was a devoted video gamer,_

* * *

Unfortunately, yes, he is.

* * *

_Her charming looks of her human forme, long blue hair that went to her back, and a simple blue shirt and pants with coat, caught the attention of quite a few guys. They were promptly punched out by their wife / girlfriend for ogling at her. She ignored most of them as she made her way to the mall's GameStop._

* * *

For the record, I do not support my son cross-dressing.

* * *

_She arrived and every guy there looking for a video game for their father / son / gamer girlfriend stopped to look at her. Dialga, along with every female there, rolled their eyes. She walked over to the portable gaming section. Palkia preferred portable gaming to console gaming, and spent more time on his DS than anyone else Dialga knew. Looking around, Dialga saw the Zelda 3DS bundle with Ocarina of Time 3DS packed in. If they was one series Palkia likes the most, it's Zelda. He enjoyed Zelda games even more than Pokémon games._

* * *

Pokémon games in a Pokémon story? Wouldn't that be breaking the fourth wall? But then again, wouldn't my awareness of a fourth wall be breaking it?

...

...

Ugh... I need an aspirin.

* * *

_Smiling, she picked it up and walked over to one of the store employees behind the desk._

_"A girl?" asked the weirded out employee, a guy socially awkward around girls. "We don't see many of you around here…"_

_"…Yeah. Anyway, I'd like to purchase this." she handed the empty box over to him._

_"Uhh… okay." he took the empty box and walked over to an area behind the desk, putting in the Limited Edition Zelda 3DS in, along with the Ocarina of Time remake._

_"That'll be 200 dollars, please."_

_Unlike Palkia, Dialga had enough money to pay for the gift. She reached into her pocket and pulled out 2 Benjamins. Handing them off to the employee, she traded the money for the 3DS._

_"Thanks." the employee said. "You know… I could use a date to the Christmas Day Ball tomorrow. Would you like to…?"_

* * *

Imagine meeting her "father"...

* * *

_"No." she answered. She took the 3DS and immediately left the store, leaving the clerk to wallow in her rejection._

_"I can never get a date…"_

* * *

And something tells me you never will.

* * *

_Having a creepy guy unknowingly ask the commander of time out on a date was the least of Dialga's worries. As it was Christmas Eve, the 3DS supply was low and she had picked up the last 3DS there. Unfortunately, this made her a prime target for people yet to pick up a 3DS._

_As a Legendary, she had acute senses and something that was almost like a sixth sense. Using it, she could sense many of the male shoppers looking at her… well, not exactly HER per se, but that precious final Limited Edition Zelda 3DS Bundle…_

_She physically turned around to see many male gamers coming towards her at a rush that would even impress a Speed Forme Deoxys… and Dialga knew what they were after…_

_BANANAS!_

* * *

What?

* * *

_She hightailed it out of there as fast as she possibly could, but she wasn't very quick. For a Legendary Pokémon, her speed was only mediocre… this trait, unfortunately, carried over to her human forme. Before she knew it, she was overtaken by the male gamers, not caring AT ALL that they swarmed over an innocent (well OK, not really innocent) woman. All that matter was the 3DS._

_Dialga COULD have fought them all off, but as they say, there's strength in numbers._

* * *

There is also strength in being seventeen feet tall, weighing fifteen-hundred pounds and having the ability to control time.

* * *

_The box ended up getting ripped from her hands, and the 3DS and Zelda game slipped out. Dialga managed to space herself from the crowd while they fought over the 3DS like animals. By the time the police were able to break up the insane crowd, the damage had already been done. The 3DS was broken into two separate screens, scratches covered the entire handheld, and the battery had sprung out, now crushed on the floor._

_"Um, sorry about your 3DS, ma'am." the police officer apologized to her._

_She sighed. "It's not your fault. At least, I still have the receipt."_

_"You should be able to get another one after the holidays are over." he said as he gave the torn-up 3DS and game box to her. She stuffed what remained of the handheld inside._

_"Thanks…" she mumbled._

_"Oh, and Merry Christmas!" he told her as he left._

* * *

Merry Christmas! We let the people who nearly killed you and destroyed your two-hundred dollar gift get away! Anyways, after that Dialga buys a bouquet with his... err, her, money and the teleports back to the hall... Apparently this version of me was stupid enough to have a Christmas Party in the hall. I still remember the last disaster- I mean party, that I hosted.

* * *

_Back inside the Hall of Origin, all of the Legendaries were preparing for the Christmas celebration. Christmas was the biggest event at the Hall of Origin, and the only time Legendaries got a vacation from their 8 to 5 duties, since the world was never at peace. Arceus personally took it upon herself to run the Pokémon universe solo on Christmas Day. After all, everyone deserves a break once in a while, right? Rumor has it that Arceus was planning a trip around the world during the summer… but they were only rumors._

* * *

Foreshadowing a random, and ultimately destructive, World Tour I see.

* * *

_Lugia was flying near the top of the Hall of Origin, setting up some Christmas banners. He also hung gold and yellow wreaths from up high, enhancing the Christmas spirit of the Hall._

_"Hey Rayquaza! How you doing over there?"_

_Rayquaza, who was so into the holidays that he painted half of himself red, was decorating the other side of the Hall of Origin. He grinned, looking over at Lugia._

_"Going pretty good over here!" he shouted back. "Hey, how are your kids doing? Groudon and Kyogre are… still getting at each other's necks." he muttered, looking down nearby the Christmas tree to see Groudon and Kyogre beating each other up._

_"What can you do? Kids will be kids, no matter how old they get. Articuno's being a self-centered jerk… as always. Moltres is… well, the favorite. Don't tell my kids I said that."_

_"No promises." smirked Rayquaza._

_"Zapdos is doing well, but he's still a little… slow-witted, though."_

_"Can't be as slow as Groudon."_

_Lugia chuckled. "You got me there."_

* * *

What do you have against Zapdos and Groudon? Sure, the former couldn't distinguish between a power plant and a nest and the latter has a evil clone/monster but I don't think that warrants them to be idiots. Well, for the latter at least.

* * *

_They continued to deck the halls while the Legendary Beasts were busy sweeping up debris from the decorations on the floor, with Raikou griping ALL the way._

_"This sucks." he whined. "Why do we have to do this?"_

_Entei was brushing the floor with his paw, bringing the debris over to the dust pan being held by Suicune._

_"Because Mom told us to." the Fire Beast told Raikou._

_"No, Arceus told us to. She's our GRANDMOTHER."_

* * *

Must... resist... urge to correct...

* * *

_Suicune dumped it in the trash can and dropped the pan, glaring at Raikou. "You know, you've been doing a lot of complaining for someone who hasn't lifted a paw. Actually, you know what? Why don't YOU do the other half, Raikou?"_

_Both Entei and Suicune smirked, leaving Raikou by himself. "Now THIS sucks." he complained. "Getting captured by Team Rocket couldn't be this bad…"_

* * *

Foreshadowing a heroic adventure I see.

* * *

_Back in Dialga's spacious room with her back in normal forme, she looked at the bouquet of flowers and sighed. "Flowers… for a Christmas present. This is ridiculous." she muttered to herself. "I'm going to look so cheap."_

_Palkia, also transformed back into his Pokémon forme, was in his room, looking at the ½ karat diamond-encrusted watch he had bought. He felt his shoulders with his left claw. The pearl still wasn't there, and the shoulder joint was still in great pain from ripping the pearl out. "Well… it's worth it." he smiled softly. "Yeah, she'll love it."_

_Christmas Eve had finally come and the clock was ready to strike midnight. All of the Legendaries, save the young ones, were in the main hallway, ready to exchange gifts with their counterpart. Zekrom was eager to give Reshiram the new feather accessory, a Blue Feather, she had been wanting. Groudon, on the other hand, wanted to give nothing to Kyogre, because 'women shouldn't get Christmas presents'. Needless to say, Kyogre also didn't have a present for the sexist._

_Dialga looked nervously at Palkia, with her bouquet of flowers hidden by her massive paw. Palkia also felt anxiety creep up on him. He had a great gift, but when Dialga found out that he used his own shoulder pearl to pay for it…_

* * *

She'll do what? Rip out your other pearl?

* * *

_"I…I guess I'll go first." Palkia muttered. He held the wrapped gift in front of him, concealing his right shoulder from Dialga's view. "Merry Christmas, Dialga."_

_"Umm, thank you." Dialga mentally lifted the gift from Palkia out of his hands and in front of herself. She unwrapped the gift to see the item that she had always wanted._

_"It's… It's that pocket watch you wanted. You like it?"_

_Dialga smiled, happy to see that she got what she wanted… but it only made her feel worse over what she got Palkia. "Yes… I-I love it."_

* * *

How nice.

"And Cliché!"

Mew!

I'm sorry about that.

* * *

_Hesitantly, she lifted her paw to push the flowers she had gotten for him up to him. Palkia picked up the flowers, with an uncertain expression on his face._

_"I'm a cheapskate. I'm a cheapskate. I'm a cheap-"_

_"Thanks Dialga. They're beautiful." he smiled back to her._

_"R-Really?" she looked at Palkia, surprised. "I… I was going to get you that 3DS you wanted, Limited Zelda Edition too… but it… kinda got ripped up by-"_

_"Those crazy shoppers." they said simultaneously._

_"Don't I know it?" smiled Palkia._

* * *

Not really no. Last time I checked you weren't the one who nearly got trampled to death by a frenzied mob.

* * *

_"Still, I feel pretty cheap." she muttered. "Hey, why does your shoulder look so disjointed? Wait, is it bleeding?"_

_"It's-It's nothing." he lied._

* * *

Really, It's nothing, I just have a giant bleeding hole in my arm. No need to worry.

* * *

_"I know when you're lying, Palkia. Women just know these things. Turn around."_

* * *

_Regretfully, Palkia turned around to give Dialga a clear view of his right shoulder. Blood was leaking, but not much, from the wound. Inside his shoulder blade… was no pearl._

_"Palkia, what happened to your pearl?"_

_The master of space sighed. "Might as well tell the truth, you're too good at seeing through lies. I used my pearl to pay for that pocket watch. The money I had wasn't enough and… you deserve a really good gift. 'Cause you're a really great Pokémon."_

_"Palkia… you didn't… hold on." She levitated the pocket watch that Palkia gave her and mentally inserted it into Palkia's shoulder blade, where the pearl once was. It fit perfectly._

_"Dialga, what are you…?"_

_"It means more to me than you gave up part of your own body for me, than the gift itself. At least let me return the favor."_

_Palkia smiled. "Well… thank you, Dialga. I do like gaming… but you're all I need for Christmas this year."_

_"Merry Christmas." she told him._

_"And a Merry Christmas to you."_

* * *

And with that, this story is over. So what is my judgment on it? I liked it. While I'm not all to happy about being called a woman, the kindness that is shown between (most of) the legendries is heartwarming. Perhaps it is a bit cliché of me, but the selflessness of both Palkia and Dialga who would prefer the company of family over that of presents exemplifies one of the purposes and ideals of a Christian Christmas. Now if you excuse me, I have to go shopping. God help me...


	13. Comedic Scene- 5

**Arceus the Critic by Imperator Justinian**

_**In the Ghost World...**_

_(A few months ago)_

_CRACK!_

_"HA! You call that breaking my spine? You obese looking Gripper Pokemon wouldn't know how to break a spine if-"_

_CRRRRRAAAACK-SNAP!_

_"**AUGHHH!** MY SPINE! Now I am ordering you to kill me! Please please please, Kill me!. . .wait a minute. . .I'M ALREADY DEAD! I'M ALREDY DEAAAD! I regret _everything_! I regret everything I've ever done!"_

_SNAP!_

_**"AAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH!"**_

Dusknoir tossed Zalton over his shoulder nonchalantly

"Om, nom, nom, nom. . ."

Dusknoir bit into a Sandvich as he watched over the Ghost World. There were explosions and yelling throughout the realm as Ghost-type Pokemon who were loyal to him all went after Lampent and his Litwick minions.

"Om. Nom, nom, nom. . ."

* * *

_(A few months later)_

The dark dimension of the ghost world, with it's floating stone platforms and eerie purplish glow, was at peace again. After the "Phantom of Unova" and petty tyrant of the realm, Zalton, had been destroyed by Dusknoir, things had returned to normal in the plane. Well, as normal as they could get considering the fact that Ghost Pokémon could pop in and out of the realm at any given time.

But in a dark, neglected corner of the realm, the Zoroark was still living, and plotting his revenge. In a last ditch effort he had created an illusion and faked his death, and now, with his small band of followers, was creating his weapon of revenge against Keldeo. When it was completed, he held up the flash drive, and started to rant to no one in particular.

"This time... THIS TIME! That My Little Pony reject won't escape my wrath!"

The Lampent floating in the corner decided to interrupt his master. "But the last time we tried that flash drive trick, we failed to destroy the Keldeo. How's it going to work this time?" The crazed Zoroark then turned to his upstart minion.

"FOOL!" he shouted. "We're not going to destroy Keldeo with this, we're going to break him. We will torment him until he loses all his will and desire to live, and begs for us to end his misery. _Then_ we will kill him."

"But how will that destroy the Swords of Justice?" asked one of the Litwick cowering behind the Lampent.

"This is personal. I couldn't care less about the Swords, I just want Keldeo."

"Then why not just kill Meloetta?"

"Because that would draw too much attention!" Zalton hissed. "If we do that we will have to deal with a rampaging Keldeo, the rest of the Swords, _and_ Dusknoir! I'm still recovering from my 'death' and won't be able to fight all of them at once." Zalton's eyes flashed briefly and then he changed into a Delibird.

"Now, I have a pony to go torment." he then turned around as a portal opened up and flew inside.

* * *

_BOOOOOOOOOOM!_

The wall was blown apart by three Psywaves from Mew, Mewtwo, and Mewtwo Girl.

_**Two Mewtwos and Mew**_

Mewtwo charged his giant spoon with Psychic energy and fired it in a flash of power.

Mewtwo and Mew clashed in an epic battle.

_**Actually, I have a confession to make**_

Mewtwo Girl and Red Genesect embraced each other passionately as they fell down through the atmosphere.

_**In the next Pokemon movie**_

_**M17, The Cocoon of Destruction**_

Mewtwo broke out of the metallic claws.

Mewtwo Girl destroyed the electric orbs around her.

Mew giggled as she played on a windmill.

**_They're gonna feature both of my new Mega Evolution forms. . ._**

Mew floated in an orb of Aura was Ash and Lucario projected their Aura into it.

Mewtwo Girl in her Mega Y Form caught three Pokeballs in her Psychic grip and crushed them.

_**Both my X form and my Y form, hopefully that means both me and Mewtwo Girl will be in the movie. . .**_

The three Legendary Psychic-type floated proudly as Mewtwo twirled his giant spoon.

_**I still think those forms look terrible.**_

**Keldeo the Critic**

**The DNA Experiments by NaturesChildRosella**

It's me! Keldeo the Critic! I review Pokemon Fan-

_"Hey!"_

_(Suddenly a Delibird flew down in front of Keldeo)_

_ "Sorry to interrupt your intro, but I got a special delivery for you!"_

Really! What is it?

_The Delibird then reached into his sack and pulled out a flash drive._

_"Not sure. But I have to deliver some more gifts. See Ya!" _

_(The Delibird then flew off, leaving Keldeo to look at the flash drive apprehensively.)_

Well... alright, I was about to review a story, but there might be something good for _Mew and Mewtwo Madness _in here. Okay then, let's review this thing!

_(Keldeo then plugged the flash drive into his Laptop, only to see all of the worst parts of the "KeldeoXMeloetta Sixty Oneshots and Prompts" CGI movie come together in a montage.)_

_**"ZUUL! M-"**  
_

Nope!

_(Keldeo slammed the laptop closed.)_

Well, okay, that wasn't too bad. I guess kicking Santa Christ and Bartholemew into orbit boosted my EVs and IVs, but what am I supposed to do gonna do now? I can't use my laptop now.

_(Keldeo activated his Secret Sword and brought it down on the flash drive, only for the device to release a burst of dark energy and send Keldeo flying back. Keldeo got up looking frustrated)_

Well, that's great, now I can't get it out! I need this laptop! What am I supposed to do? I can't exorcise this thing without destroying the laptop and I can't afford a new one, so what am I supposed to do? My laptop's useless and I don't know what to do!

Wait! Since Matthias and Justinian did that merger I can just get Arceus to help.

_(Keldeo then closed his laptop and ran off towards the Hall of Origin with it.)_

* * *

When Keldeo arrived he saw that the bronze doors were already open, and Keldeo just walked in.

"Hey Arceus!" When Keldeo got no reply he walked a bit deeper in the Hall to find Arceus aimlessly wandering around and looking under or around everything in the room.

"Hey Arceus, whatcha doin?"

"I am looking for Mew," he said without even stopping.

"Why, did she blow something up again?"

"No. But I have to find her before she does." It was clear that Arceus was becoming irritated.

"So why is she hiding?"

Arceus then sighed, swallowing his dignity. "Because... Because we are playing hide and seek."

Keldeo chuckled, "And she'll leave you alone once you find her?" Keldeo asked jokingly.

"That was the agreement. I do not know why you are here Keldeo, but I am rather busy. I am sure Justinian or Matthias could help you just as well as I could."

"Well, about that... You see I have this-" Keldeo was cut off by an explosion from a nearby hallway. Arceus immediately shot up and sped towards the smoke.

"Well I guess I should go see Justinian."

* * *

_At the Blachernae in Constantinople:_

Justinian was seated behind a desk in his study, with Keldeo standing on the other side.

"A demonic flash drive?" Justinian asked, an eyebrow raised.

"Yes. Arceus said you could help me."

The man the sighed at the realization that he had no choice. "If Arceus said I could help, I suppose I have no choice." He then bent down and opened a door in his desk.

"You- You don't have to help me just because Arceus said so. Right?"

"Oh but I do." Justinian then pulled out a bottle of wine and a glass from his desk door and placed it on the desk.

"How is _wine_ going to help us?" Keldeo asked as the Emperor started pouring himself a glass.

"It's not. It's going to help me. I'm not nearly drunk enough to believe such a story." Keldeo just deadpanned as the man sucked down his glass. Once he put the glass back down, he exhaled and blinked a few times.

"Now, what was your problem again?" still in disbelief, Keldeo just muttered out the three words again.

"Demonic flash drive."

"Oh, yes, yes, yes. Better have another glass." After he downed his second glass he put both the bottle and glass back in his door then turned back to Keldeo.

"Alright, let me have a look." Keldeo then put the laptop the desk. Justinian then took it, and opened the top to see the images start flashing back on the screen. He wasn't fazed in the slightest and just tried to pull out the drive. When it didn't budge he tried to use both of his hands to pull it out, only for it to blast him with the same wave of energy that it did Keldeo. He quickly stood up, clearly sober again, and walked back over to the desk.

"I think I have an idea." the Roman said while grabbing the machine. "Follow me please."

He and Keldeo strode out of the room and after a short walk, ended up in a garden. Justinian then threw the laptop to the ground and walked over to a large rock. Grabbing it on both sides, he lifted it up with a great amount of difficulty and slowly trudged over to the laptop.

It was actually funny to watch the grown man struggle carrying the rock, but it wasn't until he got within a few feet of the laptop that it clicked with Keldeo what he was planning on doing.

"Wait, NO!"

But it was too late, he dropped the rock on the laptop and shattered it to pieces.

"DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH A LAPTOP IS WORTH!?" shouted Keldeo. Justinian just ignored him and picked up the flash drive, which was still intact.

"Here, as long as you don't put it in anything else, I am sure you will be fine." he said as he handed Keldeo the device.

"But how am I going to write my reviews if I don't have a laptop?"

Justinian seemed to consider the question for a moment before reaching inside his cloak and pulling something out.

"Yes, I suppose it would be tragic if you were unable to write any more reviews, so this should cover the damage." the man said as he tied the small coin pouch around Keldeo's horn.

"Thanks. Hey wait, I have no arms! How am I supposed to get this off?"

"By the same obscure means that you carried that laptop around and wrote on it. Now, if you excuse me, I have to go find the man who sold me that wine."

The Emperor went off leaving Keldeo alone in silence.

Keldeo then moved his head up and down to feel the weight of the coin pouch.

"Heh. . ." Keldeo remarked. Then he shrugged and went on his way. "Hello, HP ENVY 15. . ."

* * *

**_In the Ghost World:_**

"A ROCK!" Zalton shouted at the portal he was looking through.

_(Filly Rarity: "A ROCK!?")_

_(Spngebob Squearpants: "It's a rock!")_

"A ROCK FOILED MY PLAN!" Zalton then jumped through the portal in his fury, leaving behind his terrified minions.

He landed in a distant part of the palace garden. But he didn't see Belisarius and Narses behind him, who were busy taking about one thing or another when the Demonic Pokémon dropped out of thin air. The two generals quickly exchanged glances, only for Belisarius to draw his sword and hit the Pokémon on the back of the head with the flat side, knocking him out.

* * *

_Check out "Keldeo the Critic- Season Two" for **Mew and Mewtwo Madness!**_

**Credits**

Written by Imperator Justinian

Edited by Matthais Unidostres

My Little Pony- Friendship is Magic- _"The Cutie Mark Chronicles"_

Spngebob Squarepants- "_Pizza Delivery"_

"KeldeoXMeloetta 60 Oneshots and Prompts" by DragonNiro

Team Fortress 2- _"Meet the Sandvich"_

Nostalgia Critic- Son of the Mask

HP


End file.
